


Help You

by ChaoticNeurosis



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Conventions, Depression, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, F/M, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Sex, Needles, Nightmares, Original Fiction, Panic Attacks, Past Domestic Violence, Past Sexual Abuse, RPF, Recovery, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, drug overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23973445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticNeurosis/pseuds/ChaoticNeurosis
Summary: Piper Anson has been part of the Supernatural cast for a handful of years, and the fan base has accepted her place in the SPN world. However, her darkest and worst vice is buried. Only those close to her know about it and know why it exists. With the anniversary of the event that sent her rocketing to drug use, Piper's world begins closing around her.Her friends and her boyfriend, Rich Speight, keep a close eye on her to make sure she's not hiding anything, to make sure she doesn't use again.But the tables are turned during one horrific night, and Piper lands in a hospital bed on the cusp of death.And Richard blames himself.
Relationships: Richard Speight Jr./Original Female Character
Kudos: 10





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> ***Trigger Warnings:***  
> Talk of Suicide/Suicide Attempt  
> Panic Attacks/Flashbacks  
> Drug Use  
> Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Violence  
> Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> PLEASE do not read if any mention of the above will be triggering.
> 
> **Rich is not/has never been married in this piece of complete fiction. I am new to the RPF world, so please be kind.

It was convention season, and the circuit was just getting started. Everyone was excited - well, everyone but one woman. It wasn’t because she was new to all this. She wasn’t nervous or scared. No. Piper Anson had other things on her mind. For her, this was the absolute worst time of year. The circuit couldn’t have fallen on a more heinous weekend. It was the anniversary of the most tragic and traumatizing day of her life, and she would rather sit in her own home under a pile of blankets than be on a stage in front of a crowd of people answering their questions.

But, she couldn’t avoid it. At least she had a swarm of friends to lean on to get her through the weekend. And she had Richard - someone who had become more than just a friend over the handful of years Piper had been part of the Supernatural cast. Rich might be one of the biggest goofballs there ever was, but he was also compassionate, caring, and extremely attentive toward her and to his close circle of friends. Piper couldn’t ask for a better man to share her life and struggles with.

Rich and Piper had just checked into the hotel and went to find the room that would be their temporary home for the next few days. She immediately went for the minibar, feeling an overwhelming urge for alcohol. Rich stood next to the bed and watched Piper as she rifled through the minishots, setting three on the counter. He raised an eyebrow and glanced at his watch. 

“It’s 11 am, babe. What’s with the drinks?” He tried to sound calm, but a slight tone of trepidation surrounded his words. 

Piper shrugged and opened the first shot. “The flight was a little turbulent. Just...still on edge.” It was a straight out lie. She drowned the shot and immediately began opening the next. 

“Right…”

Without hesitation, Rich grabbed Piper’s suitcase and dropped it on the bed, unzipping it. He quickly texted Misha and waited, continuing to watch Piper shoot down the alcohol. Soon, a knock sounded on the door, and the person behind it didn’t wait to be let in, immediately walking into the hotel room. 

Misha walked right past Piper and took her other suitcase, opening it. 

Piper knew exactly what they were doing. 

“You won’t find anything,” she said before they began searching through her things. “I don’t have anything.” 

“We’re checking anyway, Piper,” Rich replied, going through clothes and compartments while Misha did the same with the other suitcase. 

Piper crossed her arms over her chest as she watched her friend and her boyfriend rummage through her stuff. Rob and Matt wandered in through the open door, not really caring what may have been happening in the room. 

“Are we having a party in here?” Rob initially asked. 

“Not exactly.” Piper’s voice was full of exasperation. 

Rob and Matt then saw what Misha and Richard were doing. 

Matt quickly snapped his gaze to Piper. “What? Pipe, you’re not using again, are you?”

Piper shook her head. “No. But tell that to them. They’ve chosen not to believe me.” 

“Baby, considering the time of year and certain...behaviors the last couple days, I want to make sure. So just humor us.” Richard glanced up and silently pleaded with Piper. She just rolled her eyes in response. “Thank you.”

After a few more minutes, Misha closed the luggage he had been going through. “This one’s clean.” 

“Yeah. This one is too.” Rich then searching her backpack, carefully checking all pockets before setting it gently back on the floor. “Nothing here either.” 

Piper raised her eyebrows, a smug look in her eye. “Believe me now?”

“Almost.” Rich approached her and gestured to her arms. “Spread ‘em.” 

“Are you kidding me?!” 

“Piper.” 

She sighed and he patted her down, looking for a baggy or anything else associated with drug use. He didn’t find anything. 

“Can I be a regular person again?” Piper asked as Richard ceased his search.

He nodded. “Yeah.”

Misha sighed and ran a hand down his face, uneasiness still in his eyes. Piper flashed a grin toward her friend and he just cocked his head to one side, staring her down. 

“Piper, you better not be hiding anything,” Misha warned. “Because you know you’ve got us. That’s why we’re your friends. To keep you clean.” 

“Misha, I promise you. I’m not hiding anything.” 

But she could tell none of them believed her. Not Rob. Not Matt. Not Misha. And not Richard. 

“Guys.” Piper held her hands up. “You can search this entire room. You won’t find a thing.” 

Rich nodded. “Alright. Uh, thanks guys. We’ll catch up with you in a bit.”

Before Misha left the room, he wrapped Piper in a tight hug. He was always worried when this particular week of the year hit. It was the only danger week she had, and everyone watched out for her. 

When the door clicked shut as the last person left the room, Piper let out a loud sigh. She was beyond annoyed with her boyfriend’s choice to include his search to pat her down. 

“Thanks for trusting me, Rich. I appreciate it.” Her words leaked with sarcasm, and Richard picked up on it. 

“Look, the drinks this  _ morning _ , and not to mention how closed off you’ve been lately - I’ll admit it has me worried.”

“So that automatically means I’ve got drugs on me?!” 

“And you’re not usually this defensive about it! It doesn’t create the atmosphere of trust, babe!” 

“And you’re creating one by silently accusing me?” 

Richard stopped himself from spitting out the words that he came close to saying.  _ Well if you weren’t an addict, I’d have more of a reason to trust you _ . 

But instead, he said, “Just...just please talk about whatever is bothering you this weekend, okay? There’s a lot of people who have your back.” 

“I know.” But Piper was still agitated, not really feeling like she could go to her friends that searched her luggage because they were suspicious. 

“I have to talk to Rob about something. I’ll be back later, alright? Text me if you need anything.” Rich gently kissed her cheek but felt her slightly lean away from his touch. She was angry with him. “I love you, baby.”

“Yeah. You too.”

Richard sighed at her tone and left the room, his own frustration still lingering at the surface.

Piper shoved her luggage into a corner of the room and took her laptop from her backpack, opening it and checking emails and social media. She tried to move on from her anger, knowing the drug searches were completely normal, and warranted, given her history. Everyone knew Piper was an addict to pretty much everything on the market. It was her biggest downfall. Her vice. It had been around three years since the last time she used, but, for some reason, everything was hitting a little differently this time around. And she was craving a hit. 

* * *

“Hey. Rob, me, and Matt are going down for drinks. You wanna come?” Rich rolled up the cuff of his shirt as he stared at Piper, waiting for her response. 

Piper looked up from where she sat on the bed, a book in her lap. “Why not? Just give me a few minutes.” 

“Yeah. I need to check some messages anyway.”

Piper changed from her sweats and tank top into some skinny jeans and a flowy top, paired with a pair of short heels. She didn’t even bother with her hair. A messy bun suited all occasions. 

“Ready?” Piper asked, leaning against the wall of the hotel room. 

Richard stood from his chair, shoving his phone in his back pocket, and wrapped his girlfriend in his arms, pressing his lips to her forehead. 

Piper smiled and closed her eyes, all frustrations from that morning long gone. “I’m sorry about earlier,” she whispered. 

“Yeah, me too. Come on. Robbie’s already asking where I am.” 

“Isn’t that your line, though?”

Rich chuckled. “Yeah. But I’ll let him use it.” 

The hotel bar was quiet compared to what Piper had expected. Sure, there were plenty of people sat at the bar and filling the tables, but there was also plenty of space to fill. 

Rob and Matt had snagged a table in the corner of the bar, and they waved the couple over. 

“Hey, Piper!” Matt greeted. “Didn’t know if you’d want to join or not.” 

“I needed to get out,” Piper said as she sat down, although truly she wanted to put off any suspicion that she wanted nothing to do with anybody.

She and Rich ordered their drinks and a casual conversation filled the next few hours. 

However, when Piper started ordering shots, Richard’s radar began to go off. If it had been any other week, he probably wouldn’t have questioned it, but she was shooting down like she wanted to numb something. Rich gently took her hand and rubbed his thumb over the back of it, trying to distract her. It partially worked, as she began sipping from his beer instead of ordering more whiskey or tequila. He internally sighed, knowing it was going to be a tough weekend to get through. His girlfriend was silent about it, which was not normal. 

Piper always talked to him about this specific week. She said it helped her process, considering she was still dealing with the events after all these years. But she was closed off this time. Something was different, and he didn’t like it. Rich made a mental note to text Misha when they got back to the hotel room - to keep a sharp eye out. 

Next to Rich, Misha was Piper’s closest friend. They had formed a close connection upon first meeting. Piper was one of Misha’s go-to people, and Misha was the same for her. There was a reason he was who Rich texted to help with drug searches. He knew about as much of her history as Rich did. 

Richard silently prayed that Piper would start talking about her inner thoughts, the things she was feeling. If she didn’t, he feared the worst. He feared she would use again. 

* * *

Piper lied next to Rich, her head on his chest, his arm wrapped protectively around her. She felt the steady beat of his heart beneath her fingertips, and she breathed in his scent, nuzzling in closer to him. Richard began stroking her arm out of habit. 

“You okay?” he whispered into the darkness. 

Piper nodded and inhaled deeply, letting her words escape on the exhale. “Yeah. I’m fine.” 

Richard didn’t believe her. He wanted to, desperately, but her behavior wouldn’t let him. He knew Piper too well to take her words as truth. 

“Are you really?” 

Silence. Nothing but the sound of traffic outside the window of the hotel and the occasional cricket. 

“Piper,” Rich sighed. “I need to know that you’ll talk to me if you feel like its getting...getting to the point you…”

“Want to use again?” she finished for him. 

“Yes.” 

“I will.”

But the answer was too fast, although he didn’t press the issue. “Alright,” was all he said in response. 

“Oh,” she began. “I’m meeting a friend tomorrow. We haven’t seen each other in a while. Thought we’d catch up.” 

This slightly put Richard’s mind at ease. At least she would be doing something she enjoyed. “Good. That’s good. When are you doing that?”

“Evening some time.” 

“Alright.”

They didn’t talk again, letting the pressure of each other’s bodies sooth them to sleep. Richard woke every few hours, though, worry and stress at the forefront of his mind. He couldn’t turn his brain off enough to get a good night’s sleep. All of his energy was focused on protecting her from the needle - from herself. 


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warnings:***  
> Talk of Suicide/Suicide Attempt  
> Panic Attacks/Flashbacks  
> Drug Use  
> Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Violence  
> Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> PLEASE do not read if any mention of the above will be triggering.

Piper woke to Rich already being gone, most likely meeting up with Rob to go over last minute details for the show on Saturday night. Piper lazily rolled out of bed, scratching at the mop of strawberry blonde hair. She shuffled to the bathroom and took the necessary morning pee before taking a shower. 

As she walked around the room in her towel, toothbrush hanging from her mouth, she found a note that Rich had left that she missed in her mission to get to the bathroom. 

_Hey, baby. Sorry to leave in such a rush. Business as usual. Text me when you get lunch. Love you_. 

Piper checked the time. It was just after 9:00. There was still plenty of time to kill before lunch was necessary. She finished getting ready for the day, keeping it fairly comfortable since she didn’t have a panel till Saturday and didn’t really intend to make many appearances till then. 

Piper had been initially cast to play the part of Castiel’s romantic interest. It was supposed to be a short role, lasting only a handful of episodes, but as the season progressed, her character provided tension for Cas. Suddenly the angel had excruciating choices to make - save the girl he didn't want to admit he was falling for or save Sam and Dean. Ultimately, the decision was made to keep the character in the show for longer than originally planned. Piper had formed a close friendship with Misha, but she had fallen for a completely different angel. Piper and Richard first met when Rich directed an episode of the show, and they hit it off almost as quickly as she and Misha had. Before everyone knew it, the amber-eyed man and the strawberry blonde had formed a ‘flirtationship’. It was only a matter of time before they finally got together. 

Piper quickly checked her messages before heading out to find the nearest Starbucks, needing her morning caffeine rush. And she resisted the urge to take a shot from the minibar. She knew Richard was right. She wasn’t talking near as much this time around as she usually did. Something was different, and she could feel it in her bones. Piper had closed herself off and she drastically wanted to take the edge off...

 _Stop it, Piper,_ she told herself. _You can get through this just like you do every year. You’ll be fine_. 

Although she didn’t even believe herself. 

Her phone began buzzing as she continued walking to the nearest Starbucks. She glanced at the number. She wanted to smile, but she just couldn’t bring herself to. 

“Hey, baby,” she greeted. “I hope you don’t need me for anything. I’m making a Starbucks run.” 

“ _No. Just wanted to check in. See how you’re doing._ ”

“I’m okay,” Piper replied after pausing longer than she knew she should have. “Just need some coffee.”

“ _Right._ ” He had that tone he got when he doubted her. “ _Well, if you could, would you pick me up something? I’m feeling a little wiped._ ” 

“Of course. Anything in particular?”

“ _No. You know what I like. Just surprise me._ ”

“Okay. Will do. Where can I meet you?”

“ _Uh, green room is fine._ ”

“Alright. See you in a bit.” 

Piper hung up and sighed, trying to keep herself together. She could feel the haziness of the day begin to set in, the beginnings of deep pangs in her chest that spoke to the horror she had endured. This day never got any easier, no matter how much time had passed and no matter what her therapist tried to tell her. Piper had stopped going to that therapist, though. They weren’t helping her. It wasn’t what she needed, and she wasn’t going to keep paying for something that made her mental state worse than it was before. 

Piper successfully got the two coffees and quickly walked back to the hotel, dodging crowds and taking the back way to the green room. As she delivered Rich’s coffee, he had to keep himself from laughing. 

“I see you put in a lot of effort today,” Richard joked. “So, what’s the Sniper up to today?” 

She couldn’t help but smile weakly at his use of her nickname. “Uh, I thought I’d check out the pool. Maybe finish my book. Then meet that friend I told you about.” 

“Right, right. Well, I hope you have fun today. I get to deal with Bobb-o all day.” 

“Hey!” Rob snapped from the other side of the room. “I’m right here! And you know you love me.” 

“Sure. That’s how I feel about you. An undying love.” 

“Dude, next to Piper, I’m your best friend. You’re saying you don’t love me?” 

Piper blinked rapidly and began walking backwards. “Well, I can see this doesn’t involve me. I think I’ll be going.” 

“Come here.” Rich wrapped an arm around her and quickly kissed her. “Love you, sweetheart. Don’t cause too much trouble today.”

“I’ll do my best. See you later!” 

Piper bowed out as Rich and Rob continued their fake argument. She lied about finishing her book or going for a swim. She had no intention of doing either. Instead, all Piper wanted to do was lie in bed and watch Netflix or drink. Or both. 

However, the temptation was overwhelming to fish out what she had previously hidden from Rich and Misha. She had it with her for the first time in three years, and her hands trembled at the knowledge. In fact, her entire body shook. She downed a drink of the coffee in her hands, hoping it was enough to substitute the alcohol she desperately wanted to consume. 

Not to mention the heroin she had stashed away.

* * *

When Piper next looked at the time, a little panic rose. It was dangerously close to time to meeting her friend in the hotel bar. She looked through her clothes, trying to find something more appropriate than the lounge wear she currently donned. 

"This'll do," she muttered as she quickly changed.

She took her phone and room key with her down to the bar and waited for her friend to arrive. 

“Piper?” a voice sounded behind her, and she turned around. 

“Oh, my gosh! Hi!” Piper fully smiled, the joy reaching her eyes for the first time in a week. “How are you?”

Austin took the seat next to her at the bar and ordered a drink. “Doing well. Got engaged, but I think Jane probably told you that.” 

“Yeah, she did. Congratulations, by the way.” Piper sipped at the cocktail in front of her. “Didn’t you start working at that major law firm in town?” 

Austin nodded and chuckled. “Yeah, I did. I like it a lot. They’re amazing to work for.” 

They continued to talk, to catch up on everything they had missed out on in each other’s lives. 

“So, how are you doing?” Austin asked after the usual banter of filling in the missing puzzle pieces of life, sympathy and concern lacing his blue eyes. 

Piper knew exactly what he was referencing. He had been there during some of her worst days in college; knew what caused her to fall back to the old habit; knew the cause. She took a deep breath and sipped at the cocktail. “Uh. I wish I knew.” It was the first time she had been honest all weekend. 

Austin reached out and rested his hand on hers, squeezing lightly. “Pipes, remember when I told you to breathe out all your anger? All your resentment? All your stress?” 

She nodded. 

“Well, it doesn’t just apply to bad term papers. It applies here too. Just breathe, okay?”

Piper could feel pinprick tears forming. “I just feel...this weight on my chest. Like I’m drowning. I haven’t felt like this in so many years, but...Austin, I don’t know why it’s back.”

“You want to use, don’t you?” 

Piper couldn’t lie to him. “Yes. I do.” 

Austin closed his eyes and ducked his head, suddenly overwhelmed by how much Piper was truly suffering. She hid it so well - probably _too_ well. Those hazel eyes didn’t give anything away unless she momentarily let her guard down, and only then did a flash of pure agony seep through. She was screaming on the inside, her thoughts pounding away at the rest of her resolve. Austin could see it when Piper admitted to wanting to use. Just for a moment. 

“You can’t, Pipes,” Austin said as he lifted his eyes to search hers. “Please. You told me about Richard. What would it do to him if he found out?”

Piper thought for a moment, shoving away the other voices long enough to put together exactly what her boyfriend would do if she showed up with needle marks on her arm. “He would be devastated. Probably feel like he failed.” 

“Do you want him to feel like that?”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t. Not about anything.” 

Austin’s lips turned up in a sad half-smile. “Then think about that, if it helps. Don’t let him think he failed. Don’t give him a reason to.”

Piper took a deep breath and sipped at the drink in front of her again. She chewed on her bottom lip as she tried to shut off and shut out all the thoughts swirling, tumbling inside her head, making her feel desperate again. Desperate to numb it, to _force_ it to shut off. She scratched at the inside of her wrist, something she did as a way to self-distract. 

Austin sighed and changed the subject. “So, do you still have that cat you found in the parking lot of the theatre?” 

Piper let out a low chuckle and nodded. “Yeah. He’s a little shit, but he and Rich have formed a weirdly close bond. At least someone has gained that cat’s trust.” 

They sank back into casual banter, reminiscing about college or telling the other plans they were excited for. They laughed and carried on as if nothing was remotely wrong.

What Piper didn’t see, though, was Richard watching from just outside the bar. He swallowed as he stared at the man sitting with his girlfriend, laughing and going on as if nothing was wrong with this picture. He felt something he hadn’t felt in a really long time. Jealousy. Pure, unadulterated jealousy. 

_Stay calm, Rich_ , he told himself. _It doesn’t mean anything. But why is she laughing like that? Hey! Get your hand off my girlfriend!_

But he didn’t move from where he stood, too scared of his own anger. Instead, he walked away and took the elevator up to the hotel room. He could talk to her when she got back.

* * *

Piper said her goodbyes to Austin and decided to go up to the roof of the hotel, needing fresh air but not wanting anyone to see her. She walked up the stairs and shoved the door open when she got to it, propping it open with a cement block that was nearby. 

She crossed her arms and lifted her eyes to stare at the sky, stars hidden by the city lights. Deep breath in, long exhale out. 

“Hi,” she mumbled to the sky. “It’s been another year, hasn’t it. There hasn’t been a moment I haven’t wanted you here.” 

Salty tears began falling down her cheeks, and she quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand. 

“You’d like Rich.” She smiled momentarily, repeating words she had spoken a year before. “He’s everything we ever talked about. I think he’s the one, ya know? Damn it, I wish you could have met him. You’d probably be really good friends.” 

She paused, not wanting to say the following words, but she did every single year. It felt like a serrated blade ripping through her chest this time. 

“Ollie...Damn it, why’d you have to go?! Right after Mom died! You couldn’t wait like two months?! Why then? When I needed you the most!” 

She sobbed as she continued spitting out her anger.

“You were my best friend, Ol. You were the only other person who knew what it was like at home. I trusted you with everything I had. I still do.” 

She took a shaky breath. 

“I miss you so fucking much, man.” Piper hung her head as her body shook, the pressing weight in her chest increasing each passing second. “Till the tigers eat us alive, I pinky promise to always have your back,” she whispered, the promise they said as kids always loud in her mind. Sometimes she wondered why he didn't make good on his word - why he decided to leave her the way he did. But deep down, she knew Ollie's situation was much worse than her own, and she knew that Ollie thought the only way to escape was through death.

She fell to the floor, shuddering as sob after sob wracked through her. Piper knew being angry wasn't right. There was nothing she could do to bring Ollie back. It was times like this where she wished Supernatural could cross over into the real world so she could find a way to bring her best friend back to her. She didn't want to deal with the loss anymore, the immediate emptiness she felt upon finding him lifeless on the floor of the abandoned house they always met at. In that moment, Piper felt as if she were taken from her own body because she had no control as the shock took over. 

"Well, Ollie," she began, the words a whisper on her lips. "I'm making a new promise. I pinky promise to stop being angry at you. Because I know you did what you thought was right. Till the tigers eat us alive, I promise to forgive you."

Piper stood and faced the wind as it blew over the roof of the hotel, letting it blow her hair away from her face and dry the wetness on her cheeks. The images of finding Ollie were burned into her brain, and she couldn’t shake them this time. Not like she usually could.

She eventually made her way back downstairs to her hotel room, hoping Rich would be there. She needed reassurance that everything was going to be okay, and the one place she knew she could get it was from the one person she trusted more than anyone else. 

* * *

Before walking into the hotel room, Piper dabbed at her eyes, drying the remainder of the tears she shed on the roof. However, as she pushed through the door, a harsh voice greeted her without any warning.

“Who the hell was that, Piper?!” Richard yelled as he paced around the room, red hot anger surging through him. 

Piper took in a quick breath, shocked at the tone he was using. “What are you talking about?” She was confused at why he was so angry. 

“Oh, please, Piper. You’re telling me I’m blind? That I didn’t see what happened down in the bar?!” 

“Richard, maybe if you tell me what you think you saw, I could help you!” 

“And you wonder why I have such a hard time trusting you!” 

Piper’s eyes widened, the wind knocked out of her at the words. “What?!” 

“For fuck’s sake...You run to someone else when I can’t give you what you need?! Is that it?!” 

“Are you accusing me of what I think you’re accusing me of?!” 

Richard placed his hands on his hips. “You tell me. Or are you still shutting everyone out?” 

“Rich -”

“Damn it, Piper! I want to trust you, I really do. But you have no idea what it’s like for the person you love to suddenly stop talking to you. About anything! You’re so damn defensive! You won’t let anyone in. Not me, not Misha. What’s your problem?!” 

“Richard -”

“Well, actually your ‘problem’ is pretty clear, isn’t it. You love the needle more than you love me.” 

She stared, her mouth agape, fresh tears forming in her hazel eyes. “Are you kidding me?!” She felt as if a new blade had been added to the stinging agony already pressing in on her.

“Why don’t you just run to your drugs like you run from all your problems? I’m sure that’ll make you feel better.” 

Richard stormed out of the room, grabbing his jacket as he left. Piper just stared at the door, stunned, frozen, tears running down her face. Then, without another thought, she locked herself in the bathroom. 


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warnings:***  
> Talk of Suicide/Suicide Attempt  
> Panic Attacks/Flashbacks  
> Drug Use  
> Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Violence  
> Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> PLEASE do not read if any mention of the above will be triggering.
> 
> \-- This chapter is a bit hectic, but considering what's happening, it's the tone I hoped to set. --

Piper pulled the needle out, filled a new one, and plunged it in again, tears streaming down her face. She had turned back to the flirtation line with death. It all cascaded like a series of boulders. She couldn’t hold the weight any longer. The feeling in her chest finally imploded and gave her the push she was almost waiting for.

She placed the needle on the bathroom counter next to the spoon and lighter and stared at her reflection. Mascara had run, black smudges underneath her eyes and long lines down her cheeks. Her hands trembled as she felt the drugs beginning to work. She found her pill bottle and hastily opened the lid, staring at the white tablets. If she took just one it would be enough. 

So she did. 

Piper immediately found the song she listened to any time she got high, turning the volume on her phone all the way up, stripped, and stepped under the freezing cold water of the shower. A shiver shot through her as she raised her face so the water splashed over her eyes, her nose, her cheeks. She breathed in as best she could, trying to ease her already increasing heart rate. This was it. The combination and dangerously high dosage of drugs in her system was sure to kill her this time. She almost felt relieved that a release would soon take her over.

Then. A pounding on the bathroom door of the hotel room. 

“Damn it, open the door! Now!” 

Piper didn’t answer. Why would she? He was the one she had argued with. She didn’t particularly want to see him. Or talk to him. Or hear his voice. Didn’t want anything to do with him. He was the one person she trusted to never talk to her like that. But he had.

“Piper, please! Open the door!” 

It was so demanding, forceful. She wasn’t about to go open that door. But the next thing she knew, the shower curtain was flying back. 

“Rich, what the fuck?!” Piper screamed. 

He grabbed her arm, looking at the small line of needle marks. “So this is your answer, huh? Any time you have a fight? You run back to the needle?!” Although, Richard immediately replayed the last words he had yelled at her. She did exactly what he had told her to do.

“Get out of here!” she screamed in his face.

He threw the curtain closed and stormed out, slamming the bathroom door shut. 

Then the voices of her friends began to fill the hotel room. Jensen was yelling at Rich, who had admitted they had another argument when asked what happened. 

“We all heard the fight,” Jensen said, trying to contain his frustration. “Is she doing what we all think she’s doing?” 

“Yeah, she is. I’m not surprised, though. Why would I be?” Richard’s filter was far gone by this point. He was so angry with Piper, so filled with resentment and bitter fury.

“You know the reason for this, Rich! You even knew what week this was, so what made you think that yelling at her like that was a good idea?!” Misha chastised him, reminding him of Piper’s history, why she had an addiction in the first place, that Rich should have known better. And he did.

Richard sighed and resisted the urge to punch something, but he knew Misha was right.

Jared awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, a nagging question on his mind. “Does anyone know what she took?”

Silence. No, they didn’t. Why would they? It was different every time she relapsed. And they must have missed checking a compartment in her suitcase the previous morning. They had to have missed them somewhere. 

Piper turned the shower off and wrapped herself in the thin white towel the hotel provided, stepping out of the tub/shower combo onto the rug. Her head was already spinning. She was losing touch with reality. 

Here it came. Finally.

Piper fell to the ground, fully intending to just lie there, to let the drugs take her, but fear gripped her. Fear of death. Fear of what would happen to Richard if she died. Austin’s words replayed in her mind - don’t give him a reason to think he failed. But it was too late…

So, with the last remaining strength she had, she called to him.

“Rich!” 

He flew into the bathroom, eyes dropping to where she lied slumped against the wall, her head lolled to one side. Her eyes were glassy, unfocused as Rich rushed to her side, landing hard on his knees, bruises most likely to appear later.

“Someone call 911! Now!” he screamed

Jensen rushed to the doorway of the bathroom, peering in, needing to see if Piper was still alive. He had dialed emergency services before Rich had fully gotten the command out. 

“Yes. Hi.” Jensen relayed the information of what hotel they were at and which room they were in. “She’s overdosed. I don’t know what on. Rich, can she talk?!”

Rich took her head into his hands. She was limp. “Baby, please. Can you tell me what you took? Please.” 

The noise that exited her mouth was guttural, incoherent. 

“Damn it. Come on...Anything, baby. Please.” He firmly tapped her cheek with his hand, trying to get her to come-to just enough to tell him what the hell she took. 

But Piper was too far gone. She was no longer conscious, her eyes falling closed moments after Rich had dived to her aid. He desperately looked around the bathroom, searching for any indicator of what she was on. His amber eyes landed on the syringes, the spoon, and the lighter. 

"Fuck," he whispered. "Jensen! It's heroin! I think. I'm not totally sure!" 

Jensen paused after relaying the information to the 911 operator. "Uh, look at her nails. Are they turning blue?" 

"Uh. Yeah. Yeah." Rich sniffed as his eyes continued to produce an excess of tears. 

"What about her pupils? Are they..." he paused, and Rich could hear the muffled voice of the person on the other end. "Pinpoint?" 

Rich lifted an eyelid. Sure enough, her pupils were tiny, barely even visible.

“Son of a bitch…” he muttered, these being the only words he could utter as an affirmation of the fact.

Rich’s eyes lined with hot tears, knowing he had been the reason for her to go this far - to try and kill herself. He knew how unstable she had been lately, but he went there anyway, throwing accusation after accusation in her face, jealousy getting the best of him. He knew what pushed her toward drugs in the first place. The environment he had created over the past few days had been completely unacceptable. And he knew it. He blatantly didn’t trust her, and he felt the heaviness of guilt in his chest. If he had just trusted her. Resisted the urge to check in on her every other minute. Maybe she wouldn’t have stooped to doing this again. But that wouldn’t change anything if she died. 

"Is she breathing?" Jared asked from the doorway, noticing the rise and fall of her chest had stopped. 

Rich quickly checked for breath, but there was none. He then pressed two fingers to the pulse-point on her neck. 

There was none. 

“No-no-no-no-no. Come on. You’re not dying on me. Not now. Not ever. Come on!” 

He laid her flat on the floor and began CPR efforts, tried to get her heart pumping again. Her lungs to work. Rich's vision was blurred as the tears fell onto her body. 

“Please…” he breathed as he tried to bring life back to her. “Please. Damn it, you can’t leave me! Isn’t there a damn defibrillator in this place?!” he screamed. 

Jared rushed out of the room, running down the hall, looking for what Rich wanted. Rich pushed air into her mouth, kept the rhythm going over her heart. 

“Rich, here-here-here!” Jared urged as he rushed back into the room, defib machine with him, a hotel employee following him in. 

Rich grabbed the machine from Jared and immediately arranged everything, turning the machine on and uttering a silent plea. He shocked her, and he checked for a heartbeat. 

Nothing.

He tried it again, uttering a string of expletives as the machine delivered voltage to her body.

A pulse. Faint, but a pulse. 

“Thank god…” he breathed, but kept his finger against the pulse on her throat, ready to act again if her heart stopped beating once more. 

Rich pressed a kiss to her forehead, mumbling his apologies over her unconscious body, shame gripping him. By then, Rob had arrived, hearing the yelling from down the hall, and he rested a hand on Rich’s shoulder, crouched with him on the floor.. 

The paramedics finally arrived, immediately loading her onto a stretcher and getting vital information as they rushed her from the room. Rich was close behind, getting into the ambulance with her as they sped to the hospital, lights flashing and siren blasting. He held his head in his hands, not able to look at her. When the heart monitor flatlined, he stopped breathing. 

The others piled into a car and followed close behind. One of them had been texting her immediate friends or calling, letting them know what was happening. Misha called the family she still kept in contact with, knowing they would want to fly up as soon as possible. 

“Do you think she’ll make it this time?” Jared asked from the passenger seat, new levels of stress flowing through him. 

Jensen shook his head, still on an adrenaline high from everything. “I don’t know, man.” His grip was tight on the steering wheel as his eyes trained on the ambulance they followed, running every red light with them, never getting too far away from his friends. 

When they pulled into the hospital parking lot, everyone ran to find Rich, who was pacing in a hallway, hands resting on the back of his head. He hadn’t stopped crying since the hotel. 

“Rich!” Rob called as they ran to where he paced the same ten foot line. 

Richard sighed, but not in relief. He was scared. He hadn’t been this terrified of losing her. Not like this. “This is all my fault,” he mumbled through the tears, his voice shaky. His entire body shook. “I did this. I sent her over the edge like this. What have I done, Robbie? If she dies, I’ll never forgive myself.” 

Rob hugged his friend, knowing Rich needed all the reassurance he could get. Misha went to ask about her condition only to find out she had flatlined twice in the ambulance and they were pumping her full of naltrexone, charcoal, and whatever else they could give her to help reverse the effects of everything she took. It was a deadly concoction, but she had known that going in. 

Jared caught up with Misha. “Hey. What’d they say?”

Misha just shook his head again, his own eyes beginning to fill up with tears. “It’s not good. Heart stopped twice on the way here. It’s just not good. We need to get everyone here. Now.” 

He, Jared, and Jensen began making the calls, making sure those who were with them on this convention stop knew the situation and they should get to the hospital just in case. 

Rich sat against a wall, holding his head in his hands, still crying. Rob stood beside him, just being a comforting presence - even though comfort was lost on Rich. He was blaming himself, but everyone knew it was most likely the truth. They couldn’t pull that fact and turn it into fiction. They had all seen the signs. She was going to use again if things between her and Rich didn’t calm down. And the words he last said to her were the trigger. 

* * *

“She’s stable. For now.” A doctor had come to inform them of her condition. “It’s grim, though. She’s not out of the woods. And as much as I wish I could just leave you all to sit with her and wait, there are questions we need answers to.” 

Richard nodded, crossing his arms over his chest, his eyes red and puffy from relentless tears. “What’s that?” 

“Well, first thing’s first. What’s her date of birth?” The doctor held a chart in front of him, a pen poised to write in the information.

“May 18th, 1985.” 

“Full name?”

Rich sighed as he continued answering the doctor’s questions, everyone knowing he would have the most information, but they didn’t stray far from their friend. More and more people began arriving too. Soon, the waiting room was filled with cast members and body guards. 

The doctor’s next question stung. “How long has she been using?” 

“Uhm. On and off for the past...15 years.”

The doctor took a deep breath as he wrote in the information. “Has she ever been to rehab?”

Rich nodded. “Yeah. She was clean for three years. Until…” 

“Until today,” the doctor said, finishing Rich’s sentence. “What caused the relapse, do you know?”

Rich looked at the floor between him and the doctor, overwhelming guilt consuming him and he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger, squeezing his eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling again. “Uh…” he started, but couldn’t continue. 

“Rich, I got it. I got it.” Misha planted a hand on Rich’s shoulder, and Rich stepped back, leaning against the wall again. Misha finished answering the doctor’s questions as best he could, knowing her best, second to Rich. 

Ruth, having arrived not long after Jensen called her, offered Rich a hug, and he slumped against her, resting his head on her slender shoulder, crying like a baby. 

“You can go in to see her, but keep it two at a time,” the doctor said gently. “She’s going to be kept under sedation for at least 48 hours.”

“Thank you,” Misha replied, shaking the doctor’s hand, and he walked to the waiting room to inform everyone in regard to the latest update. It was set to be a long night, and it rippled through the room, everyone knowing her life hung by a thread. 

People filtered through her room at the designated two at a time, but Rich stayed in the hall, pacing, running his hands over his thighs, crossing his arms, scratching his neck. He was worried beyond words. And he felt completely responsible. He acted recklessly, although he had known how at-risk she was to go back to the needle. He had wanted so much to prevent this from happening, to keep her safe from herself, but...he had failed.

“Richard,” Ruth said, calmly, trying to pull him away from pacing. “Richard, can we chat please?” 

Rich looked up and met the calm eyes of Ruth. “What?” 

“What happened? I - well everyone just wants to understand.” 

“It’s my fault, Ruth, that she’s in that hospital bed right now. If I hadn’t…”

Ruth pulled him over to a set of chairs and held his hand as she tried to get the story. “If you hadn’t what, Rich?” 

“If I hadn’t yelled at her.” 

“The two of you have had arguments before and it’s never resulted in this.” Ruth gestured toward Piper’s room. “It had to be something more than that.”

Rich nodded and swallowed down a sob. “It was uh…” He cleared his throat, trying to keep his emotions in check long enough to let her know what had happened with Piper. “It was the anniversary of her best friend’s death this past week. You know that’s why she started using in the first place, right?”

Ruth’s eyes widened in shock. 

Rich went on to explain the story seeing that Ruth had no idea. 

Piper’s best friend committing suicide had been the turning point in her life, but a turn for the worse. She had grown up in a tumultuous, violent home - her father physically abusive toward her mother and sexually abusive with her and her sisters. Her mother had died from the domestic violence, leaving the girls in the house to their father’s impulses and desires. Then her best friend had killed himself just days after her mother died. Piper started using as a coping mechanism and didn’t really stop. The week of his death was the worst trigger out of everything else in her life. 

“So what happened?” Ruth pressed. 

Rich took a breath to steady himself. “I had seen her in the hotel bar with some guy. Blond hair, tall. They were laughing and talking, and when he got up to leave, they hugged. For a long time. Then I watched him kiss her forehead. I got jealous. Really jealous.”

Ruth thought for a moment then realized who Rich had seen Piper with. “Rich, that was her friend from college. That was Austin. He’s the closest thing Piper has to a brother. I managed to catch her in the hallway on her way to meet him - told me they were going to have a drink and catch up. Surely she told you.” 

As Rich thought back, his eyes widened when he found the memory of her mentioning she was going to catch up with a friend. He just assumed it would have been a female. “Damn it...I’m such an idiot.” 

“Is that what this was? Jealousy?” 

Rich nodded. “Yes. And I couldn’t let it go, and I blew up. Ruth, I was screaming at her. I have never screamed at her. Sure, there had been tension this week, and I chalked it up to her being closed off for...for her friend’s death. Figured it would blow over. Then when I saw her with...with him I thought she’d been cheating on me.” Fresh tears fell from Rich’s eyes. “And it didn’t help that...I didn’t feel like I could trust her this weekend. Ruth...If she dies, I’m the one who killed her. I did this to her. It’s all on me.” 

“Shhh. Rich, you can’t blame yourself for this. You’ll kill _yourself_ if you do that.” 

Ruth let Rich cry on her again, tears falling from her own eyes as well. In fact, most everyone in the waiting room was crying. Their friend was in critical condition. Tension was high. Until the next 48 hours were over, stress would remain at a high. 

* * *

“Rich, you need to go in there,” Rob said, trying to encourage Rich to go see his girlfriend. “You’ll kick yourself if you don’t.” 

“I can’t, Robbie. Not after what I did to her.”

Rob sighed and patted his friend on the shoulder. “Despite what you think, when she wakes up, she’ll want you before wanting anyone else.” 

Rich ran a hand down his face and sighed. “What makes you say that?”

“Because I know Piper, Rich. We both know she’s gonna want you. If it were any other week, she wouldn’t have done this.” 

Rich knew Rob was right. It was the deadly combination of events that formed the worst possible equation. 

“Come on.” 

Rob nudged Rich, and he stood, slowly walking toward her room. Rob walked in with him, knowing he’d need someone there with him. Richard sharply inhaled upon seeing her. IV’s of multiple medications were dripping into her veins. The heart monitor beeped and the pulse/ox reader glowed on her finger. Dark circles were under her eyes and she was incredibly pale. Rich pulled up a chair to sit next to her and took her hand gently in his. 

"I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, Piper. I don’t know if you can forgive me, but...Damn it, I hope you do. I’m sorry.” 

Rob slipped out to leave Rich alone with her. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. That I couldn’t just...be there for you like I always am. Fuck, Piper, I’m such an idiot. I would take it back if I could. Please give me the chance to take it back. Just come back to me, baby.” His breathing was shaky at best as he forced himself to inhale to stop the sob that was on the brink of escaping. 

Rich pressed his lips to her limp fingers once more and rested his head on the mattress. There were so many ‘should-haves’ going through his mind, swirling, becoming a tornado of personal destruction. He would never let himself live this down. Telling her to just go back to her drugs had been the last straw - he was convinced of it. If Piper died, Richard would live every day in mourning - in trying to find some sort of redemption for pushing her to take her own life. 

As Jensen walked into the hospital room, Rich lifted his head to see who it was. A wet patch was on the sheet of the bed, and Rich’s eyes were red again. Jensen had brought an extra coffee with him and set it on the table next to Rich. 

“Thanks…” he mumbled, returning his gaze to Piper. “Has anyone called her sisters?” 

Jensen nodded. “Yeah. Misha did. They’re on their way.” 

“Thank you.” 

“No problem, man."

It fell into silence as Richard watched her face, shifting his gaze to the heart monitor every now and then. She had to make it. She just had to. He couldn’t live without her.

Although he still felt completely liable for her current condition. He should have just kept his mouth shut or gone somewhere for a few hours so his could vent his anger. Rich knew there was no reason to be jealous. Piper wasn't like that. She would never put their relationship in jeopardy. 

Richard's worries narrowed to one thing, though, as he continued to hold Piper's hand. His girlfriend had to live. She had to make it through this, come hell or high water. Hell, if this were the Supernatural universe, he would be making a deal right about now. He would give anything for Piper to make it through this attempt on her life. 

But this wasn't Supernatural. And he couldn't bargain for Piper's life. He had to wait. 

And it was excruciatingly painful.


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warnings:***  
> Talk of Suicide/Suicide Attempt  
> Panic Attacks/Flashbacks  
> Drug Use  
> Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Violence  
> Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> PLEASE do not read if any mention of the above will be triggering.

When the seizures began, it felt like an anvil had hit Richard's chest. He couldn't do anything to stop the convulsions that had taken over her body. Medical staff shoved him out of the room as they began administering even more counteractive agents to help fight the newest onset. 

Once again, Rich paced in the hall and ran a hand down his face. He was powerless. There was nothing worse than watching someone you love suffering an unable to do a damn thing to help or stop it. He wanted more than anything to help her, to dig into her brain and turn off whatever switch was flipped so she would stop using - so she never overdosed again. So she never used another drug. Rich wanted to be her coping mechanism instead of her poisoning herself. 

The doctor walked out of her room, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"How is she? Is she okay?" Richard quickly asked. 

The doctor nodded, though a grim expression flooded his eyes. "She's stopped seizing. We had to intubate - she had stopped breathing on her own. We also found something in the blood and urine samples. Do you know how she had access to Codeine?" 

Richard's eyes widened, surprised by this question. "Codeine? Why?" 

"It came back on the tests we ran. That mixed with the heroin has made this a much more serious situation. I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you. There's a chance she might not make it, as before it was fairly certain she would come out of this okay. But..." The doctor paused. "It's grim." 

Rich almost crumbled to the floor right there. It seemed as if everything was being ripped from him. 

"Is there anything I can do?" the doctor asked seeing Rich's distress. 

Rich just shook his head, unable to force his thoughts into words. No. There was absolutely nothing they could do for him. They couldn't reverse time to moments before the fight. They couldn't stop her from trying to kill herself. He couldn't even do that, apparently. 

"Let us know if that changes." And the doctor walked away, filling in information on a chart, most likely hers. 

In a fog, Richard returned to Piper's room. He stood in the doorway, staring at the woman on the bed, and a part of him was angry at her. Angry that she decided taking her own life was better than trying to confront her issues. Angry that she had bottled everything up and refused to talk to him or anyone else. Angry that she even dared to leave him like this. 

But as angry as he was with her, Rich was enraged at himself for feeling like a catalyst to the current situation. 

"Richard?" a soft voice said behind him, so he turned around. 

"Jane?" 

Piper's younger sister stared up at him with soft dark brown eyes. Apprehension and melancholy shown on a face that resembled Piper's just enough to know they were family. However, when the oldest sister, Holly, approached, Rich had to do a double take. Holly and Piper could have been twins although there was just over a year separating the two. 

"Hey, Rich," Holly greeted. 

"Hi. When uh. When did you get here?" 

"Maybe 5 minutes ago," Jane answered. Her voice was so soft compared to Holly's and Piper's naturally strong tones.

Everything about Jane was soft - her presence, her facial expressions, her voice, her eyes. She had grown up in a world where Piper and Holly did everything they could to protect her from the harshness of reality, and it showed. They wanted her to experience childhood innocence - something the eldest girls didn't get. Their efforts paid off. Jane had been able to enjoy childhood as best as possible with a father like the one they had. The girls eventually were placed with their maternal grandparents, finally escaping the abuse their father dealt out. But by that time, Piper and Holly were teenagers and Jane was still a child. The youngest sister had gotten her childhood. By the the time the girls were relocated, Piper was already on drugs. Even getting out of the house she grew up in couldn't stop her from searching out the substances she thought she needed to deal with the trauma of her past. 

"How is she?" Holly asked. She was the most familiar with Piper's drug use. Jane hadn't been exposed to much of it, and the older sisters wanted it that way. Holly had protected Jane against it for the most part. 

Rich shook his head and let out a heavy breath, loaded with stress. "Uh, not..." He had to swallow to fight the hot tears from falling. "Not good."

"What was it this time?" 

"Heroin and Codeine." 

Holly sighed and her gaze dropped to the floor. "It was another attempt, wasn't it?" 

Rich just nodded in reply. 

"Jane, could you find Rich some coffee?" Holly asked her sister, needing to talk to Richard in private about something she didn't want Jane to hear. 

Jane nodded. "Yeah. I'll be right back." 

"Thanks." Holly waited till Jane was out of earshot then continued with her questions. "Do you know how much she took?"

"No. I don't. It was enough to do this, though." 

Holly took a deep breath. "Okay. Uh..." She crossed her arms and stared past Rich into her sister's room. "What's been happening? How is she responding?"

"She began having seizures. They finally got that under control. For now, at least. They didn't know about the Codeine at first, and I didn't either. All I saw was the needles and everything else with them. Doctor said its pretty grim."

"So she doesn't have much of a chance." There was no question in Holly's tone. It was a statement of a fact she had accepted a long time ago.

Richard didn't respond. He couldn't. 

"Damn it..." Holly hissed. "I hate this stupid week. I worry every day that I'm going to get _this_ call." She gestured toward Piper. "I knew it was too good to be true when she stopped using, ya know? It was only a matter of time." 

Still Richard couldn't respond. How could he tell Holly that he had been the one to do this? He couldn't tell her family that. They would never let him back into the room to see her - at least that's what he thought. 

Jane then returned with some coffee, which Rich took gratefully and immediately took a sip. It singed his tongue, but he honestly didn't care. He was exhausted and wanted the extra help to stay awake with Piper. 

"Thank you," Rich said in regard to the coffee. 

"Richard, how long have you been awake?" Jane questioned, concerned eyes staring into his. 

He ran a rand through his messy hair and shrugged. "I honestly don't know. What time is it, anyway?" 

Holly looked at her watch. "Around 4 am. You've been awake almost 24 hours, haven't you?" 

He nodded. "Yeah. Just about." 

"Why don't you go get some sleep, Richard. We'll wake you up if anything happens. I promise." Jane rested a hand on Richard's forearm in reassurance, and she smiled gently. 

"I appreciate that, but I can't. I can't leave her." 

Jane didn't push the issue and simply stepped around Richard to enter Piper's room. She took a deep breath at seeing her sister in this state - a tube shoved down her throat, a machine breathing for her. IV's and monitors attached to her. She was pale - more pale than Jane had ever seen. Her fingertips were blue and droplets of cold sweat lined her forehead. Jane had never been exposed to this side of Piper's drug habit, and she knew her sisters wanted it that way - to shelter her as much as possible. But Jane knew this could always happen. She may have been sheltered, but she wasn't stupid. She knew much more than her big sisters thought. 

Richard remained at the doorway as Holly went in to sit with Piper and Jane. He just couldn't bring himself to leave her. 

* * *

** Convention Center **

** Green  ** ** Room **

"Has there been any update?" Matt asked as he waited to go up on stage for his panel with Rob. 

Misha shook his head as he sipped from a small water bottle. "No. Nothing since early this morning. Which, I guess is better. No change is good. Right?"

Matt had no answer for the older man. The excitement for the weekend had dwindled into unbridled worry and anxiety over Piper's condition. They all wanted to be at the hospital, sitting with their friends, checking in on Piper and Rich - making sure they were okay and that Richard was taking care of himself. But they wouldn't abandon what they had come to this city for. They couldn't do that to all the people that showed up. 

"Mattie, you're up," someone called from the hall. 

"Yeah. Coming." 

The band was hyping up the crowd that had gathered, and Matt tried to put everything out of his mind, but he and Rob had something to do they both dreaded. It wasn't going to be an easy 45 minutes, knowing that there would be questions _for_ Rich and _about_ Rich after saying what they had to. Rob ducked back off stage momentarily before he and Matt both walked up together. 

It was obvious they both lacked the usual energy associated with R2M. But there was someone missing from the trio, and it was for a reason no one ever wanted. 

"Well, hello. Long time, no see," Rob began, trying to start off with a joke. "Uh. You might notice that there's someone missing that is usually up here with us. And he's usually making fun of me. Uh, Rich couldn't make it today. Some-something came up very unexpectedly, and he is off with that. So he won't be up here and uh..." Robbie paused, taking a deep breath to try and keep his words steady for what he had to announce next. "I'm sorry to say that Piper's panel has also been canceled. Unfortunately. So things will be rearranged because of that. As they get things figured out, it will start scrolling across the screen there. Well, with that, why don't we get started with some questions?" 

It didn't take long for someone to ask about the situation. "In regard to Richard and Piper, are they okay? Did something happen?" 

Rob sighed and an obvious tension filled his shoulders. "Uh, I can't say. At this time, we are giving them as much privacy as possible. More will be said as it is allowed. That's all I can really...put out there. But just keep them both in your thoughts." 

A somber air fell over the rest of the afternoon. 

Then Misha received a panicked phone call from Rich just as he was about to start taking questions in his own panel. He wasn't intending on answering his phone when it began to go off, but when he saw who was calling him, he didn't hesitate. 

"Rich?" he questioned, leaving his mic on a chair so nothing carried. "What is it, bud? Is everything all right?"

All Misha could hear was a series of quick breaths on the verge hyperventilation. " _She's...she's..._ "

"Richard, breathe. What's happening?" 

" _She's flatlined. Three times in 20 minutes. Man, I don't know if she's going to make it. I just...I don't know!_ " 

Misha felt all the air rush from his lungs, and he stepped off stage. "Do we need to get down there? Do you need us?"

" _I-I don't know!_ " 

"If you think we need to be there, I won't hesitate."

" _Hang on._ " The quality of sound dropped, and Misha assumed Rich had set the phone down, but he could still hear snippets of conversation. _"How is she? Is she alive? Please tell me she's alive!_ " 

" _She is. She is._ " Misha assumed this was a doctor speaking. 

Misha could hear Rich's sob through the phone, and tears sprang to his eyes at hearing the devastation and relief in his friend's cry. 

" _How...What's..._ " Richard couldn't even finish a sentence. 

The conversation then fell much quieter, and all Misha could do was wait for Richard to pick up the phone again. 

" _Are you still there?_ " 

"Yeah, man. I'm here. How is she?" 

Richard took the shakiest breath Misha had ever heard. " _Uh. They said the next few hours will be touch and go. She's finally got a steady heartbeat again._ " Misha then heard the sob of a female coming through the phone, and Rich redirected his attention. " _Jane, come here. Come here._ " Sniffles and deep breaths emanated from the other end of the line. " _I know. I know. Uh, Misha, I'll text you or call you back. Are you where you can answer if I do?_ "

"I was just starting the panel when you called, but it's okay. I'll answer if there's something we need to know." 

" _Oh, shit. I didn't even realize what time it was._ "

"No. It's okay. Don't even think twice about calling if something else happens, okay?" 

" _Yeah. I'll text you the rest of what the doctor said. Misha, I'm scared. I'm so scared I'm going to lose her._ " 

"We all are. Keep us updated." 

" _I will._ "

They hung up without another word. Misha sank against the wall as he tried to get a handle on the tears falling from his blue eyes. Rob rushed over to him as he saw Misha's state. 

"Hey. Did something happen?!" Rob asked, panicked. 

"Uh. Get everyone in the green room. I'll fill everyone in at once." 

An announcement was made that Misha's panel would be delayed, but it would get under way as soon as possible. Once everyone was in the green room, Misha filled everyone in on what was happening and stress was even higher than before. This weekend had turned into a nightmare. 

As Misha climbed back on stage, it was apparent he had been crying. His eyes were red-rimmed and his voice was still shaky. 

"My apologies about rushing out of here, but that was a very important call. It's a very unusual weekend. Uh...Right. How about we start over here. Hi." 

Luckily no one asked what the phone call was about. Everyone had probably already assumed the nature of it. Misha tried to joke around as best he could for the sake of the people in front of him, but his mind was preoccupied on one of his greatest friends lying in a hospital bed, most likely on the verge of leaving this world. 

As the panel came to a close, Misha had one thing to say. 

"Uh. As we wrap this up, I just need to say this: Don't ever doubt your worth. You are loved by so many people and you matter. We all need you here. I love you guys and gals. Have a great rest of your day." 

He hoped they would. Because their day wouldn't improve unless Piper's condition did. 

* * *

**The Hospital**

Richard held Piper's limp hand in his warm fingers, stroking her still-pale skin. She was hooked up to more machines than he ever wanted to see. Slow tears still fell over his cheeks as he carefully watched her and the heart monitor. The first flatline was unexpected. Nothing seemed to have led to it - it was as if her heart just decided to give out. They had to pump her full of adrenaline when it happened for a third time in such a short frame. It was said if her heart stopped again, they more than likely couldn't bring her back. 

So Rich prayed to anyone that might be listening that Piper's heart would keep beating and that her lungs would start working on their own. He was so desperate for Piper to remain in this world - to stay with him and all the others who cared about her. 

"Baby, I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry that I yelled at you. I'm sorry that I accused you of something I know you're not capable of." He raised her fingers to his lips. "I'm sorry for being so angry. I'm sorry for..." He took a shaky breath. "For pretty much telling you to go back to the needle." 

"You did what?!" A choked, angry voice broke through the hum of the machines. 

Richard whirled around to see Jane standing in the doorway. He had never heard her raise her voice. It seemed wrong for such a harsh sound to come from someone he knew to be so kind and gentle. 

"Jane, I -" 

"Please tell I heard you wrong, Richard." Jane's voice shook. "What did I just hear you say?!" 

"Hey, what's going on in here?" Holly questioned as she rushed into Piper's room upon hearing Jane's horridly furious voice. 

Jane gestured toward Rich. "He just said he pushed Piper to use drugs." 

Holly raised an eyebrow, trying to remain calm and diplomatic. "Richard, is this true?" 

"Can we all sit down so I can explain? Please?" 

The two women sat across from Richard. He suddenly felt ganged up on. 

"Well?" Jane pushed.

Richard let out a tense breath and closed his eyes. "Right before all this happened, Piper and I had gotten into an argument. It was my fault. I had seen her in the hotel's bar with a guy, who I didn't know at the time was her friend Austin. Well, I got jealous. And incredibly angry. So, when she came back up to the room, I unloaded on her. And, I essentially said she should run back to her drugs like she runs from her problems - that she loves _them_ more than she loves me or anyone else around her." He lifted his gaze to look Jane in the eye, needing her to know how apologetic he was, how much remorse he felt. "I was so mad, I would have said anything. I never meant for her to actually do _this_. I was blind to what time of the year it was. All I saw was her with some guy. She had been so closed off lately, and my head jumped to the conclusion that she was cheating on me with this other guy. But now I know who he is. And damn it..." Richard pushed his hair back, feeling another string inside snap. "I know Piper would never do anything that might cause us to break up. I fucking know that. That's just not how Piper is, but...It was everything piled on top of all this shit that already exists, and I lost it. I had no right to be that angry at her. And I sure as hell had no right to scream at her how I did or say the things I did. There is no excuse for being that angry." 

Rich could see Jane processing, the wheels in her head spinning, placing the puzzle pieces together. 

"Jane?" Holly began. "Can you move on from this?" 

"I don't know." 

"Look, we both know this is the worst possible week in Piper's life, right?" Holly took her sister's hand. "Pipes has never moved on from what happened. The least we can do is let Rich move on from this." 

"But, Holly, he -"

"It doesn't matter, Jane," Holly said, interrupting her sister. "I know what he said, and he said it out of anger. And, even though it doesn't seem like it, he did it out of love. Because he loves her so much he didn't want to see her with another man. It was a misguided reaction. He's terrified of losing her. Just like we are." 

Jane ripped her hand from Holly's and stood up, quickly walking out of the room. Holly sighed and rubbed at her eyes with the palms of her hands.

"She'll come around."

Richard hung his head. "I'm so sorry. About all of this." 

"Don't shoulder all the blame. You didn't make the decision. She did." 

Holly stood and momentarily gave Rich's shoulder a squeeze before going to find Jane. Richard went back to staring at Piper, begging her to be okay. If she died, not only would Richard blame himself, but so would Jane. 


	5. Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warnings:***  
> Talk of Suicide/Suicide Attempt  
> Panic Attacks/Flashbacks  
> Drug Use  
> Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Violence  
> Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> PLEASE do not read if any mention of the above will be triggering.

It had been an excruciatingly long 48 hours. 

Piper hadn't regressed, and small improvements had been made. Eventually she started breathing on her own again, so they removed the intubation tube but still kept a close eye just in case. She was nowhere out of the woods. 

Richard hadn't slept in 72 hours, and he was beginning to feel the overwhelming exhaustion from it. 

"Rich?" 

The amber-eyed man turned to see Misha standing in the doorway. "Hey." Rich's voice was rough and gravelly from the lack of sleep.

"Come here a moment." 

Rich shook his head and gripped Piper's hand tighter than before. "Can't. I won't leave her." 

Misha sighed and fully entered the hospital room. "You need sleep." 

"Not until she wakes up." 

"Rich. You'll become a patient of this hospital too if you don't let yourself get some rest. We're all here. Believe me, if anything happens, we will let you know. Come on. They've set up a spare bed just outside her room." 

Slowly, Richard came to the conclusion that he did, in fact, need to take advantage of the break he was being offered. He stood and pressed a gentle kiss to Piper's forehead before forcing himself out of the room. He groggily climbed into the spare bed the hospital had generously let them use on the condition it be relinquished should the need arise. Rich's head hit the thin pillow. 

And he was out. 

Misha sighed in relief as his friend began to sleep. "Well that was easier than I expected." 

The actor slowly walked into Piper's room and took the chair Rich had been occupying, taking the place of hand holding. 

"Hey, Sniper," Misha began, using the nickname Rich had given her. It had slowly gained speed and before long, all her friends were using the name. "We're all waiting for you out here. So, if you could do us a favor and wake up, we'd all appreciate it. We all missed you last night at the show. Rob even sang one of your favorite songs. It wasn't right without you belting out that one Phil Collins song you always insist on singing. While Rich demands to play bass for it. " 

Misha paused to wipe away rebellious tears. 

"We need you, Pipes. Richard is in agony over this. Hell, I am too. I think everyone is, actually. I understand you were in a bad place this week - worse than I've seen in a long time, but...I wish you wouldn't have used it as an excuse, Piper. You had all of us to talk to. And yeah, Rich was completely out of line, but he knows that. He's apologized to you more times than I can count." 

He rubbed his thumb over her arm, somehow hoping to stir her awake. 

"Your sisters need you. I don't think Jane would know what to do if you disappeared. None of us would. So please, Piper. If you could wake up...that would be great." 

She still laid there, seemingly lifeless although the heart monitor beeped affirmation of her existence. Misha sat back and crossed his arms, waiting. 

The hospital waiting room had been taken over by members of Supernatural. Those who knew Piper well had flooded in as soon as the convention had closed. Jensen, Jared, Matt, Ruth, Rob and the rest of Louden Swain, Mark Sheppard - they were all there, sitting with Jane and Holly, either trying to distract or comfort while Misha made sure Richard slept and sat with Piper. 

Misha folded his hands and rested his elbows on his thighs, waiting, hoping that somehow she would be okay. 

* * *

Hour 72 came and went, and still Piper lied in the bed without so much as the hint of a change. 

It was 7 am on Tuesday morning when Piper began to stir. 

She lightly groaned into the empty room, as the one sitting with her had stepped out to grab a coffee. 

Piper's head was the first thing she felt. It was pounding, and even though her eyes were closed, it was too bright. There was an ache in her chest as if someone had been stomping on it or pounding it with a hammer. She swallowed, and immediately wanted to cough. Her mouth and throat were parched. As she tried to take a deeper breath, she regretted it. All her muscles felt so tight and knotted. 

She finally opened her eyes and was blinded by the bright light above her. She whimpered as she shut her eyes again to shield them from the horrible sensation of light. 

"Holy shit." A faint mumble caught her ears. "Piper? Are you awake?" 

She forced her eyes open again and tried to focus on the figure standing in what she thought was a doorway. Everything was so blurry, though. 

"You are. Oh my god, you're awake." 

"Where..." she began, but her dry throat kept her from saying much, and her voice was rough from the lack of moisture. 

"Shh-shh-shh. Don't. It's okay." 

The figure sat or knelt beside her and took her hand. She squinted, still trying to figure out who this was, although the voice was incredibly familiar. 

"Mark?" Piper asked. 

"Yeah, it's me. It's me. Damn. I need to get Rich." 

"Rich?" 

At the name, Piper wanted nothing more than to have Richard there, explain everything to her - where she was, how she got here. She didn't remember anything. 

"Hang on. Don't you go anywhere. I'll be right back." 

Piper couldn't go anywhere even if she wanted to. She wasn't sure she would even be able to sit up. Her head was now spinning, and she wanted to throw up or go back to sleep. But she also wanted to see Richard. However, at the thought of him, she felt a twinge of bitterness, although she couldn't place why. 

It didn't take long for Rich to sprint into the room she occupied, falling next to her bed, cradling her hand against his face. 

"You're okay, you're okay, you're okay," he kept mumbling. 

"Rich?" she asked, her throat still feeling like sawdust. 

"Shh. I'm here, baby. I'm here." He stood and stroked her cheek, tears falling onto her. "I'm not going anywhere." 

"Where..." 

"That doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that you're okay." 

Piper could sense more people outside the door of the room she was in. There were audible words of relief, sobs, high fives, and hands clapping on backs. A young woman pushed her way through those gathered and stepped into the room. Piper recognized her, but she couldn't think of the name. But this was definitely her sister. 

"Jane?" Piper asked, the name finally coming forward. 

Without a word, Jane rushed up and hugged Piper, relieved. 

Piper was still incredibly confused as to where she was or how she got there. Her eyes landed on Misha outside the door. He was crying as he stared back, mouthing the word 'hi' with a huge grin on his tired face. 

After the cacophony died down, a doctor came into the room to begin taking stats and ask her questions, like what her name was or her date of birth or if she knew what year it was. She answered them correctly, but she drew a blank on the reason she was even at the hospital. 

The doctor sat on the edge of Piper's bed, a grim expression across his face. "Piper, do you remember shooting up heroin in the bathroom of your hotel? Or taking Percocet?"

Piper's eyes widened as the memory jumped forward, and it replayed backwards in her mind - falling down, the shower, the needles...

And the fight with Richard. 

She raised her gaze toward her boyfriend and knew why she felt the smallest amount of resentment toward him. "Yeah," she said, her voice steady and dangerously vile. "Now I remember." 

Richard's face fell, his guilt apparent. 

"Doctor, could you uh...come back in a few minutes?" Piper asked, still staring Rich down. She cleared her throat, the dryness still not completely gone. 

The doctor pursed his lips into a thin line and left, closing the door behind him. 

Richard moved to the side of the bed and took Piper's hand. "Baby...Please, don't..."

"Don't what. Have it out right here? From what you told me to do? Is this what you wanted in the end, huh?" 

Richard shook his head, wanting to dispel all anger from his girlfriend. "No! This isn't what I wanted at all! All I wanted was for you to tell me what was going on, but then I saw..."

"Austin? My friend? Basically a brother? You didn't even let me explain! And I had _told_ you I was meeting a friend!" 

"I know. I know. It was rash, I'm sorry. You don't know how many times I've apologized to you over...however many days you've been in here."

Piper paused, staring into remorseful amber eyes. He felt so guilty, she could tell. Richard wasn't blaming anyone but himself for all of this. 

She sighed and squeezed his hand. "I know you are." She closed her eyes and wondered if she should admit the words that were on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to tell him, but she knew it would rip him apart. "You shouldn't blame yourself at all."

"But I -"

"Richard. Please. Just listen to me." She waited for Rich to sit down before continuing. "Yes we fought. And it did land on a horrible day, but...that isn't the reason I...did what I did. Honestly, when you yelled at me to just go back to the drugs, it was as if I finally had permission to give in. The desire had been so strong, but it wasn't just the desire for heroin or cocaine, or whatever I felt like using. Richard..." 

Piper took a shaky breath. She didn't even want to admit it to herself let alone the man that cared so much about her. 

"Rich, I had full intentions of killing myself before that fight." 

His heart visibly broke before her, shattered into a trillion little pieces. His grip loosened on her hand as the shock ripped through him with a dynamic force. "What?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "Why would you...Why?" 

“Because I was tired of fighting all these voices that swirl around every day. It's been, what...15 years of hearing them. 15 years of seeing Ollie's brains blown out, the gun in his own hand. It's still so damn raw, and it's horrendous this year. Sometimes I just want to shove my hands into my chest and take out everything I'm feeling and drop kick it all into the deepest parts of the the ocean. 

Do you ever feel like you're drowning? Like no matter what you do, you can't break free and just...breathe. That's how I feel every fucking day, Richard. Yeah, I'm super happy being with you, and you can take away _some_ of the pain, and can stabilize it. But it's still there, eating away at me, reminding me that Ollie is gone. That Mom is gone. Two people that I loved more than anything were suddenly just...not there anymore. And I couldn't deal with it. I still can't deal with it, Rich. So I wanted out. To escape from all of it." 

Piper paused before continuing, wiping away tears she hadn't even realized were falling. 

"You didn't miss anything when you and Misha went through my stuff. I had already hidden it somewhere else in the hotel. I didn't want there to be a chance that you'd find it and take away my means of escape."

Rich sighed and hung his head, his eyes squeezed shut. He felt like someone had just taken a machete to his heart and sent it through a blender. “Sweetheart, you have to get help. Please.” He lifted his head again, forcing eye contact, though his sight was blurry due to unshed tears. “If not for yourself, then for the rest of us. For _me_. Hell, do it for Ollie. Please, Piper.” 

But the words fell on deaf ears. She didn't really _want_ help. The 'help' she had previously received had made her worse, forced her into a more unstable mental state. She didn't _want_ to go to rehab again, although she knew she would have to. Although she had just woken up from one of the deadliest overdoses of her life, she was already wanting a hit. Or a drink - something to numb it all once again. 

"Piper," Richard said, breaking her away from her thoughts. "If you do this, I'll be there every step of the way. If you don't, I'll still be there. But I can't lose you - not to drugs, not to...suicide. It's not the answer. You have to know that." 

"It's the only answer I have, Rich." 

He shook his head, desperate for her to see reason, to put aside her past and to start moving forward. "Please," he begged. "Piper, please. We need you here. All of us. All you have to do is take a look at that waiting room to figure out how many people love you and want you here. Our lives are better with you in it. Don't take that away from us. Please." 

Piper could see the agony in Richard. She reached out and pressed a hand to his cheek, wiping away the tears. So many tears had been shed over the past 82 hours that they could fill a small ocean. 

And with a single thought, Piper relented. Something in her flipped. Maybe it was seeing the broken man in front of her. Maybe it was the need to keep her baby sister sane. Maybe it was so her older sister didn't have to shoulder the burden alone. Maybe it was all her friends waiting for her to make a decision. Whatever it was, Piper knew it was time for a change. 

She nodded. "Okay."

Richard hastily stood and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, flooded with thankfulness to whatever made her change her mind. 

When the doctor came back in, he gave a few recommendations of good therapists and a rehab facility that tended to work when everything else failed. Since she saw this as her last resort, Piper would be sure to contact them. If she didn't, she knew Richard would. 

* * *

"I'm not going! I told you, I'm sick of it! Sick of her! Sick of her telling me that _I'm_ the problem! She's not helping me, Rich! I am not going!" 

Piper stood in the living room of her home, arms crossed, fury in her usually calm hazel eyes. 

"Baby, I will drag you there myself if I have to. Besides. I brought backup." 

Misha walked through the door, and Piper let out an aggravated groan. She was definitely being teamed up on. 

"You said you'd go all the way with this, Piper," Misha reminded her. "You're halfway there. Come on." 

"No!" 

"Okay, now you're just acting like a brat," Rich grumbled. 

"Because she's a horrible therapist! I want a new one!" 

Richard rolled his eyes. "You've said that about the past 2 therapists. Come on. You can't quit now." 

"Too bad. I'm quitting." Piper sat down in the middle of the room like a spoiled two-year-old, intent on not moving a muscle or going anywhere near the woman who wanted to blame Piper for everything that had gone wrong in her life. 

"Now?" Richard asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Misha nodded. "Now." 

They rushed toward Piper, and Misha grabbed her beneath her shoulders while Rich tried controlling the woman's legs. She was literally kicking and screaming as they carried her out to the car, shoving her into the backseat. They had put the child-safety locks on so she couldn't get out before they had the chance to put the car in drive and head toward her therapy session. 

"I hate both of you," Piper mumbled from the backseat. 

"You'll thank us later," Rich replied, knowing his girlfriend was frustrated, but he didn't care. He thought this therapist was helping. He was going to make sure Piper kept going. 

"I doubt that. If I stop talking to you, then you know why. That goes for you too, Misha." 

Neither man was worried. 

As they pulled up to the building, they got out and opened her door. She sat there, arms crossed. 

"I'm not getting out. You can drive me here, but that doesn't mean I'm going in." 

Rich sighed. "Now?" 

Misha nodded. "Now." 

They grabbed her again and carried her inside the building, making a spectacle as they forced her into the office of the therapist she was so sure was a negative influence on her life. 

"Piper. Just in time," the therapist said. "Avoiding again, I see." 

"Fuck you both," she muttered. 

"Dr. Thorton," Rich greeted. "Sorry to have to bring her in like this, but...Ya do whatcha gotta do." 

Dr. Thorton laughed. "Of course. Well. Why don't you sit down, Piper, since you _are_ here. Let's get started."

Piper, like a grumpy toddler, flopped down in the seat across from her therapist. Richard and Misha left her in the office, quietly shutting the door as they went back to the car to wait for the designated hour. 

"That was actually easier than I thought it would be," Rich commented. 

"You know, it was." 

When Piper came back to the car, she was noticeably less angry. In fact, she seemed at peace with something. She climbed into the back of the car, leaned up between the two men, and placed a kiss on Rich's cheek. 

"Thank you," she said. "I'm sorry." 

Richard grinned. "You're welcome, and I know." 

"What's with the sudden disposition change?" Misha asked as he pulled away from the office building. 

Piper shrugged. "Oh. Good ole doc' made me realize something."

Rich raised a brow and stared at her through the rear-view mirror. "Oh? Care to enlighten us?"

"I'll tell you later." 

Piper didn't want to explain with Misha around. This was a conversation she wanted to have with Richard and Richard alone. 

Rich nodded and didn't press the issue. "So...what's the deal with the Cleveland Steamer?" 

Misha burst into a gut-wrenching laugh and almost had to pull over. "What?! Where did that come from?"

"I'm genuinely curious. Why is that a thing?" 

Piper smirked from the backseat. "Are you saying that's not something you're into?" 

" _Definitely_ not." 

"Well that wrecks all plans..."

Misha wiped away some of the tears from laughing so hard. "Rich, you seem like you'd be the type of person to like that sort of thing."

"Why would I be into that? What gave you even the slightest implication that is something I would remotely like?" 

Misha chuckled and explained his bogus reasoning while they drove back to Piper's house. 

* * *

Piper washed the dishes from dinner with Rich while he dried and put them away. There hadn't been enough for Piper to warrant using the dishwasher that night. As they refilled wine glasses and sat on the plush sofa, Rich took her hand and got straight to the point. 

"So," he began. "What was it that was so enlightening in therapy?" 

Piper gave a gentle smile as she answered. "Well, as we know, I greatly fought against going today."

"Oh yeah, you did. I think I have a bruise thanks to your heel." 

"Well, it's a really good thing you made me go." Piper paused before continuing. "She wanted to go through the multiple...suicide attempts. Or at least start touching on all of that."

Piper saw Rich visibly tense at the mention of any sort of attempt on Piper's life. It was still a stressful topic for him. 

"I, of course, didn't want to even think about it, but she insisted. It's important to work through all that, of course, but that doesn't make it easy. She asked me why I thought it was okay to take my own life - why I even thought I had a right take my life into my own hands in this manner. And I didn't have an answer - at first." Piper swallowed down her nerves. This would never be easy to talk about. "I told her that it felt like my life had been nothing but pain. Ever since I was born, that was all I knew. The easiest way to get rid of that pain is just ending it all. Becoming nonexistent." 

Rich squeezed her hands tighter, reassuring himself and Piper that she was safe sitting in front of him. 

"Then she asked why I thought the pain would end if _I_ ended. But it wouldn't. It would just cascade to everyone else I know, causing more hurt and suffering. It doesn't solve anything. Which, I know you've been trying to tell me that, but I wasn't in the mindset to even listen to you. Today, I realized that I have to care about my own life, which means I have to care what my actions do to everyone. Especially you and my sisters. And...making me go to therapy is a step of caring about my own life. So, thank you. And I'm sorry for kicking you in the ribs." 

Richard brought his hand to her cheek, caressing her soft skin. 

"Can I ask you something?" he asked, gently. 

Piper gave a gentle smile and nodded. "Anything."

"What made you want to go into this business in the first place?"

"Acting?" she clarified, and he simply gave a single nod in affirmation. "Well...I guess it started when I was little. You know, pretending that I lived somewhere completely different with parents that could actually love me. A father that wasn't...how he was." Piper felt Richard give her hand another reassuring squeeze. "A family that wasn't completely shattered. Then, as I got older, I would act like everything was okay - that I had it all together. I had to make my baby sister believe that I wasn't an addict to something she didn't need exposed to. I was in theater in high school, and I absolutely loved telling stories of characters that had a not-so-perfect background. It was like I could tell people about my past without actually _telling_ them. It became what I wanted to do. Telling stories became my passion. It gave me the strength to tell my own story to you and a handful of people." 

"So your character on the show - she's part of you, isn't she?" 

Piper nodded. "She is. Completely effed up history. Somehow came out on the other side. I'm still working on that part, though. I'm trying to get to the other side." 

Richard leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. "You're getting there. And you're doing really well. I'm seeing a side of you I've never seen before." 

"What's that?"

"Carefree. Completely open. It's good, Pipes. It's really good. Don't get me wrong - you've always been a complete prankster and up for a good laugh, but you're more relaxed than I've ever seen you. Usually there's this wrinkle on your forehead, and it hasn't been there lately."

"A wrinkle?"

"Like...I don't know, a stress wrinkle. And your eyes?" He smiled down at her. "More full of hope than I've ever seen them. You're getting better, Piper. There's still a long way to go, but you're definitely taking steps to get to the other side. And I'm proud of you."

"Thank you. I'm proud of me too." 

Richard leaned in and molded his lips to hers, giving her a sweet kiss that lingered a moment or two longer than he intended it to. 

"When do you go back up to Vancouver?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer. He asked pretty much every night.

"Three days."

"Well. That doesn't leave much time to get in all that I had planned?"

Piper raised a brow as she smirked at her boyfriend. "And just what did you have planned?"

"Well, it didn't involve Cleveland Steamers." 

Piper slapped at his chest as she let out a loud laugh. "Oh gosh. Richard!" 

He stood and presented a hand. "Come on." 

Piper took his hand and stood. "Where are we going?" 

"Oh, you know. Last one there's naked first!" Rich yelled as he sprinted up the stairs to the bedroom. 

"You little shit!" she called after him, giggling as she ran up the stairs after him. 


	6. Part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warnings:***  
> Talk of Suicide/Suicide Attempt  
> Panic Attacks/Flashbacks  
> Drug Use  
> Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Violence  
> Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> PLEASE do not read if any mention of the above will be triggering.

**Vancouver**

* * *

"Rich. Hey. We need to talk." 

Misha paced one of the halls of the production offices upstairs from set, blue eyes set in apprehension. He had resisted calling about this, but there was no putting it off now. Too much had happened, and Misha had made it his job to watch her for any signs. Well, there had been signs he wanted to ignore, but it was now impossible to even _try_ to ignore it. 

" _This is about Piper, isn't it?_ " Rich asked.

"Yes. It is." 

Misha heard Rich let out a single unamused laugh. " _How bad is it? Do I need to come up there early?_ " 

"I hate to say it, but I think it would be a good idea. Something happened over the past month, and whatever it was sent her backsliding. She won't talk to us. She won't even hang out with us after work."

" _Damn it_ ," Rich sighed. " _Alright. I'll get up there as soon as I can. Ya know, I thought something was off the last time I spoke to her on the phone. Thought maybe she was just tired from a long day. Damn it...Well, I'll text you when I get a flight. Let you know when I land._ "

"I'm assuming you don't want her to know you're coming."

" _No, I don't. She didn't even know I had plans to fly up this weekend._ "

"Are you going to be okay flying by yourself?" 

" _I'm about to find out. Thanks for the heads up. I'll get out as soon as possible._ "

"See ya soon."

Misha hated to see the unfortunate reality of Piper relapsing so soon after returning to work. He thought she would be okay, especially since she made regular trips to continue therapy. As far as he knew, Piper hadn't stopped going, but he could very well be wrong. There had been a day set aside in her schedule just for that purpose, so if she hadn't been continuing the sessions, then what was she really doing? Maybe it was best if he didn't know. 

"Misha! They're ready for you on set!" 

"Yeah! Coming!" 

He tried putting the worry out of his mind for the rest of the day, but as he worked opposite Piper, he couldn't help but notice how off she was. 

Piper thought she hid it well, though. She was used to living behind a mask, so putting up a new one hadn't been difficult. Holes began to flake, though, and her friends and colleagues could see what was happening and knew what she was doing behind closed doors. Piper wasn't sure where the trigger came from. It could have been a handful of things, but the most likely was a scene she had witnessed of a character offing themselves. She hadn't expected the flashbacks to happen or the nightmares to return. She didn't know what to do about it. So she called one of her old dealers. 

It had been that easy. 

Too easy.

Misha eyed Piper as she sat in a corner of set, arms crossed and eyes unfocused. He knew the upcoming scene involved her, but he wondered if she was even capable of doing her job. 

"Piper," he called, walking up to her, trying to get her attention. "Hey. You okay?" He knew she wasn't, but he had to ask anyway. 

"What?" 

When she looked up at him, Misha swallowed back a gasp. Her pupils were pinpricks. Again. 

"Piper..." A hesitant tone entered his voice. "Do you need...Do you need to go?" 

She shook her head. "No. No, I'm fine. Come on." 

Misha watched her stand and walk to the set of the bunker. He sighed and tried to get himself together just to shoot this scene. 

"Damn it, Piper," he mumbled. 

"Misha!" Jared called. "You ready?" 

"Yeah! Yeah..." 

As he approached, Jared furrowed his brow as he studied Misha. Something was wrong.

"Dude. You okay?" Jared asked.

Misha shook his head and motioned toward Piper. "No. Have you seen her today? I mean...she's high as a kite." 

"I know."

"I just got off the phone with Rich. He's on his way up here. We're dealing with this before it gets too far out of hand again." 

"How do you suggest that? Intervention?" 

"I don't know. Something has to give. I'd rather it be whatever she's on. We don't need a repeat of...You know." 

"Right." 

"Well, let's get this over with. I don't know if they'll get anything usable, but we can try." 

As Misha tried just to get the scene out of the way, he knew Piper probably wouldn't remember any of it. He was surprised she even knew her lines. They had become lax about the drug searches, wanting to place trust once more, but now he was regretting that decision. If anything, they should have kept those going even if she stopped going to therapy. He hated to admit it, but Misha knew they would have to start searching her trailer every day. Even if it made her mad. 

* * *

Misha received a text from Rich sooner than he assumed. He pulled Jared and Jensen aside and explained the situation, and they all agreed to the hastily thrown together plan that Misha constructed. It might not end well, but it felt like a last resort. 

Piper left her trailer for the night and began heading toward her car, but Misha stopped her. She was confused as she stared up at her best friend. "Misha? What...what's going on?" 

She saw the devastation in his gaze as he began guiding her toward his vehicle instead, opening the back door to usher her inside. "Come on. We're driving you home tonight." 

"Who?"

"The three of us." 

That's when Piper saw Jensen and Jared waiting in the car. Piper felt a flicker of anger ignite, and she already didn't like where this was going. "Misha. What are you doing?" She turned serious hazel eyes to him as he continued waiting for her to enter the car. 

"What needs to be done. Get in the car, Piper." 

She took a step back, gripping her purse tightly. "No." 

She felt herself becoming defensive. This could only mean one thing, and she wasn't letting it happen. Not like this. Not...ever. Piper wouldn't relent. This was her life, and she was going to live it how she damn-well pleased. That meant her friends couldn't tell her what to do. And they couldn't take anything away from her. 

"Piper," Misha said, trying to stay calm. "Get in the car before I make you get in the car." 

"I fucking dare you," she spat. 

"Piper. This isn't like you. Please. I don't want to have to force anything." 

She stared up at the concerned man. There were voices screaming at her to just turn and run away. To ignore her friends because they were wrong and they had no idea what she was reliving. But the one voice that whispered, softly, somehow rose above the others, and she got into the car. 

Misha sighed in relief and gently closed the door, pulling away from set, and drove to her apartment. 

Piper sat with her arms crossed and stared out the window as they sped down the highway. She was angry, although she had no good reason to be. She already knew where this was going. They were going to try and take it all away and send her cascading into withdrawal. She could already feel herself needing another hit just to calm the nerves that were rising. For fuck's sake, she needed a hit. Needed it. Wanted it. Craved it. 

She rubbed at her eyes and tried to ignore the panic that rose from the knowledge that she couldn't do anything right now in the car with three of her friends. 

As they pulled into the parking lot for the apartment, she stared up at the complex in full apprehension. Maybe she could get away with fibbing about where everything was. It wasn't like it was all stashed in the same spot, so maybe they'd buy it if she only told them about the stuff hidden in the kitchen. Then she'd have some to fall back on. Maybe it could work. Just...maybe. 

"Piper," Misha said, pulling her out of her planning. "Come on." 

She hesitantly got out of the car and led the boys up to her place. As she unlocked the door, she began to fidget with her keys, incredibly scared of them taking it all away. There was no stopping her from reaching out to her dealer again, but she would prefer not to. She had already dished out a lot of money as it was just to get what she had in the apartment and her trailer back at set. 

"Alright. Where is it?" Misha asked, hoping she would just come clean and admit. He knew it wouldn't be that easy though. 

When she didn't answer Jensen pushed a little more. "Piper. Where?" 

Piper scratched at the back of her neck and indicated the direction of the kitchen. "Third drawer down next to the fridge." And she silently prayed they would take the bait - that it was all she had. 

"Good. Thank you. Would someone check the bathroom?" Misha asked, and Piper's face indicated everything he needed to know. It would have been enough even without the words she said next. 

"No. Everything's in the kitchen. There's no need to go into my bathroom." It was a frantic attempt. And she wasn't fooling anyone.

"I'll get it," Jensen said as he began to head toward the short hall. 

"Wait! Please!" she begged, but Jensen ignored it. 

But a figure soon appeared from down the hall. He stood just inside the living area, arms crossed, a displeased expression in his amber eyes. He could barely look Piper in the eye, and it wasn't because of the sheer begging. He had never been so disappointed. 

"Don't bother with the bathroom," he said. "I already checked." Richard set his jaw as he forced himself to keep eye contact with Piper. Her lower lip began to quiver, and he knew it wasn't because she was sorry for what she had in the bathroom. She didn't want it all taken away from her. "Do you blow your entire paycheck on this stuff?" He tried to keep his words softer than the emotions raging through him, but it proved a difficult task. 

"Richard I-" 

However, he held up a hand, indicating she should stop talking, that he didn't want to hear any excuses from her. "I don't want to hear it, Piper. This is ridiculous. I was going to surprise you with a visit this weekend, but then Misha called me, so I dropped everything to get up here. And I'm glad he did because this is worse than I thought. You're going back to therapy and getting your ass in a program. Now. I don't fucking care how much you don't want to go. Enough is enough, Piper. I, and everyone in here is sick of the bullshit. You don't get a choice this time. Oh, and those drug searches you weren't a fan of? Yeah, those are starting back up again." 

"Please," she begged. "Don't do this." 

"Piper, you need help," Rich continued. "I told you this when you were in the hospital. Help us help you by telling us where everything is." 

"Richard..." She began to feel desperate. "Don't make me go through this again." 

"Piper," Jensen said, taking a step toward his friend and colleague. "This is serious. It's time you see that. We all just want what's best for you, and keeping up with this habit is not what's best. Not even close to what's best." He paused before continuing. "Pipes, they've threatened to place you on furlough till this is taken care of."

Her eyes widened, shock ripping through her. "What? Th-they can't do that!" 

"They can, and they will," Jensen continued. "If Jared or I pulled this stunt, they'd do the exact same thing to us till we came back clean. Think of what this has done to your friends, to Richard, to your sisters. Haven't you tried to protect your little sister from all this? Well, do you think this is protecting her by doing what you're doing? It won't be protecting her if you end up dead from an overdose that they can't save you from." 

"We just want you to be safe, Piper," Misha said. "And right now?" He shook his head. "You're not safe. Not even close to safe."

"And withdrawals are safe?" she questioned, trying to get them to come around to her side. "Do you have any idea what this is going to do to me? Are you prepared to watch that?"

"We're prepared to deal with whatever comes," Jared said. "Because we care about you too much to let you do this."

A few beats of silence fell before Richard continued with the planned home-search. "Now, where's the stuff in your bedroom?"

"Nothing's in there," she mumbled.

Richard stared her down, unrelenting "I can make this difficult, Piper. We can be here until 4 am just searching through all your stuff. So where is it?" 

Piper fiddled with the hem of her shirt, resisting the demand from her boyfriend. She could already feel what the coming days would bring - all the trembling, the muscle spasms, the cravings. She couldn't tell him where anything else was. 

Rich sighed in exasperation at the woman in front of him. He wanted to take away the addiction, but there was absolutely no way he could do that. All he could do was start with taking away the physical source. "Piper. Baby. I will destroy this apartment if I have to." 

Still she said nothing. 

He turned around and walked back down the hall toward her bedroom, and she bolted after him, crying, begging him to not go into her room. 

"Richard, don't do this! Please, don't do this!"

Rich began opening dresser drawers, baskets, containers, boxes - anything that might hold what she got high on. He reached under her bed and produced a shoe box full of used syringes and burned spoons and used up lighters. There were even the bottoms of soda cans that had been used in place of a spoon to help melt down her drug of choice. He placed it on the bed and began going through her closet, all while she tried to pull him away from searching. 

Misha wrapped his arms around her and drug her to the living area while Jensen and Jared helped Richard in the search of the bedroom. She was screaming by this point, and she knew there wouldn't be anything left by the time they were finished looking. 

"Stop!" she yelled. "Please!"

Misha tried to rub soothing circles across her back, but she was still hysterical. "I'm sorry, Piper. I'm so sorry." And, in a way, he was. He hated to see her like this, and for that he was sorry. Sorry that he couldn't see it sooner. Sorry that he had no idea what had triggered her relapse. Sorry that he couldn't help prevent it. For all of that, he truly was sorry. 

Piper sobbed as they continued looking through her apartment. They took out the couch cushions, looked through her basket of blankets, her entertainment center, all of her kitchen drawers. When they looked through the bench seat under the window, everyone froze. And Piper fell to the floor, defeated. 

Every last drug-related thing was stashed inside the bench seat. Needles, lighters, soda cans. Heroin. Percocet. Cocaine. And much more they didn't even want to know the names of. They threw it all into the trashcan they had hauled around as they emptied the apartment. 

As Piper hugged her knees from the floor, Rich ushered the other three out the door, promising to help them search her trailer the next day. He turned to see her still shaking from her place on the floor and he sat down next to her. 

"Piper. It was all for your own good." 

"Why don't you just leave, Rich. I don't want to see you right now," Piper whispered.

"I'm not going to do that."

"Why-fucking-not. Because you don't trust me? Because you still think I have something hidden? That I'm going off for my 9 pm fix?"

"No, Piper, that's not why. Because I'm moving up here."

Piper's eyes widened and her brow furrowed in confusion. "Why the hell are you doing that?" 

"To keep you from swerving off the road again. Piper, I can't let you do this. Not again. Not to me, not to your friends, not to your sisters. This is it. Do you understand me? There's no going back anymore." 

"You can't just uproot your life in L.A. to move to Vancouver." 

"It's already done."

Piper eventually stood and walked to her bedroom and locked the door. 

Richard hung his head and sighed. It was the couch for him, but that wasn't of any concern. His mission was to help Piper through the immediate withdrawals then get her back on track. She had been doing so well, and now he had to figure out what in the world had caused her to take so many steps backward. 

And make sure it didn't happen again.

* * *

Piper crawled to the bathroom the next morning and hurled up bile. It had been too long since her last hit, and she opened the bathroom drawer where it all should be. 

But upon seeing it empty, she remembered everything. 

"Fuck," she whimpered. 

Richard walked into her bathroom when he heard the distinct sounds of someone vomiting. She was curled on the bathroom floor, shaking uncontrollably. 

"Piper?" He sat beside her and placed her head in his lap. "What can I get you?" 

"I don't need anything from you. You did this." 

Irritability. Something Rich expected. He had researched everything he could about heroin withdrawal, and he was ready to take it on. As much as was possible. She, of course, needed to get into a detox program, but that was a fight Richard wasn't prepared to take on. It was too late anyway. Throwing everything away had kick started a week of hell. Was it wise to do this at the beginning of production for the new season of Supernatural? Probably not, but it was better to do this at the beginning than let it go on later into the season to where it affected work even worse.

Rich's phone began to ring, so he left her on the bathroom floor to answer it. 

"Hey, Misha," he greeted. 

" _Well. How is she?_ " 

"As good as can be expected. There's no way she's coming in to work, bud." 

" _I didn't think so. We gave everyone a heads up yesterday, and there's plenty be done without her here._ "

"Anyone mad?"

" _No. I think they're all relieved, to be honest._ "

"I'll let you know if anything bad happens. I don't foresee anything like a hospital visit."

" _Okay. I'm sorry it had to come to this._ "

"Me too. I gotta go. She's throwing up again."

" _Shit. Take care of her._ "

"I always do."

Rich placed his phone in his back pocket, grabbed a blanket from her basket, and walked into the bathroom again. He took her brush and combed her hair back, placing it in a ponytail to keep it out of her face. He draped the blanket over her, hoping to ease some of the shivering. He knew Piper would be sick for a while. And he would have to fight her when the cravings got worse, but he was prepared to do whatever was necessary. 

Piper's body ached. She knew it would stop if she could take just enough to take the edge off, but it wasn't even possible. There was no way she would get out the door with Rich there to babysit. And she knew it would just get worse. This wasn't the first time she had come down from heroin. She knew exactly what to expect. And it was going to be hell.

When the muscle spams began, it was three in the morning. Piper hadn't slept and now her body was drawing in on itself. Her muscles formed tight balls underneath her skin, and it was excruciating. At least the vomiting had subsided despite nausea remaining prevalent. Cold sweat had soaked through her clothes and into the mattress. It wasn't even half way through the week, and she felt like death. 

* * *

"Piper, do you want anything to eat?" Rich called from the kitchen. 

Piper lied down on the couch as day five was coming to a close. She still felt extremely irritable and overall didn't feel good, but the worst had passed. The cravings had been the worst. All she wanted was to get in her car and drive to meet her dealer just to get something to tide her over for a few days. Rich had fought with her, argued that she would thank him later. Well it was later, and she still wasn't thanking him. 

"Pipes? Anything?" he asked again. 

She changed the channel on the television again, bored with the programming already. "What are you making?" 

"Grilled cheese." 

It was her favorite. Rich had noticed how little she had eaten over the course of the week. He mainly focused on keeping her hydrated, knowing how important that was in coming down off heroin. So, to entice Piper to consume something, he decided to make one of her favorite foods. 

Piper considered the offer. "With mozzarella?" If she was going to eat grilled cheese, it had to be made right. 

"Of course." 

"Rye bread?"

"Why would I make it any other way?" Richard waited for her response, hoping she would take the bait. 

"Sounds good," she eventually said. 

Rich sighed in thankfulness as he began making the sandwich. He took it to her with a side of her favorite chips, and she sat up and grabbed the plate from him. 

"Thanks," Piper mumbled. 

"Yeah. No problem." 

Rich sat with her as she ate. She would pause every once in a while, eyes closed, a hand on her stomach as if a wave of nausea had come over her, which it probably had. He had never seen her so sick. He didn't ever want to see it again.

"Piper," Rich began, cautious. "Can I ask you something?" 

She eyed him suspiciously. "About what?" 

"What caused it this time?" It was a question he had avoided asking but something he desperately wanted the answer to. 

Piper sighed and set the plate of her half-eaten grilled cheese on the coffee table. She wrapped her blanket tighter around her and took the remote in hand again. It was her silent way of telling him to 'eff off.' 

Rich silently grabbed the remote from her and shut the television off. 

She shot angry eyes up at him. "Really?!" 

"Piper. We are having this conversation one way or another." 

"Maybe I don't want to."

"Oh, I know you don't. But we're right back to square one - with you being closed off. So. Tell me. What caused it this time?" 

"It's stupid." And to her, it really felt that way. It shouldn't have affected her, but it did. 

"Nothing's stupid in this situation." Rich rested his hand on her knee and waited. "Come on. Tell me." 

Piper closed her eyes and rested her head on the back of the couch. "It was some dumb scene I happened to watch being shot." 

"What 'dumb scene' was that?" 

"Some character - ya know, the ones in the first five minutes of the show. The ones that always die." 

Rich stared at her with hints of confusion in his amber eyes. "What about them?" 

"They committed suicide." 

The last word was clipped like she didn't even want to acknowledge the word existed. And she probably didn't. 

Richard nodded now understanding. "I see." He pursed his lips into a thin line as he took in how upset she was that this had set her back. Like she felt it wasn't a good enough reason. "Piper, considering everything you've gone through, it's not the least bit surprising to me." 

She looked up at him, surprised at his answer. "Really?"

"Really. Honestly, I wasn't sure what caused this. But knowing it was something like that - a character killing themselves - it makes sense. After what happened with Ollie? Why wouldn't that upset you? I just wish you would have talked to me, or Misha, or any of your friends before going back to drugs." 

"I didn't want to be a burden." 

"What - because you needed to vent? Baby, that's what we're all here for. That's what your therapist was for. Which, by the way, you're going back to, no questions asked. I already called her. You start back up next week." Rich reached to remove a rebellious strand of hair from her face. "Pipes. You will never be a burden. Especially if there's something bothering you that might make you relapse. Even if it's a craving. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me about it. I've always been open to you venting. That's not going to stop just because you came back to work. Even if it's three in the morning and you feel like you need a hit. Or you had a nightmare. I'll always answer the phone. Got it?" 

Piper let his words sink in. She nodded in silence. 

"You have one of the biggest support systems anyone could ever have. We're all right here. Day or night." 

He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead. It was a long shot, but maybe she would stay clean for good this time. Quitting cold turkey was never recommended, but there were a lot of safeguards in place this time around. As much as it might annoy her, the drug searches were a must. Therapy was essential and some program to go along with it. Richard was determined to get his girl the help she needed. Going back to therapy was the first step, even though he wasn't fully aware she had quit. Not until he had called the therapist. But, that's why he planned on moving up to Vancouver for the time being. She needed a personal assistant just to overcome the drug addiction.

"Rich, it's more than drug addiction. It's flashbacks, PTSD, trauma - all that shit." 

He let out a single laugh. "Baby, I know. We've been over this before. That doesn't scare me. We're here for that too. All of it. Every single piece of baggage you have. That's why we raided your apartment - because we care for you no matter what you're carrying. And that includes your past. Whatever you need to finally move on from it, we're here to support you." 

Piper knew they had had the same discussion a million times. But she wanted to give him an out if he wanted it. She knew she wasn't the easiest human to deal with. She wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to just leave her to stew in all her problems. But every single time, Rich would leave his way of getting out of the situation and he would stay with her. 

"Piper. Do you know why I fell in love with you in the first place?" 

"I have a feeling you're about to tell me."

Rich caressed her cheek and gave her a sad smile. "Even though I didn't know very much about your history at the time, I could tell there was some messed up shit. I could see it in your eyes. But you never let it get you down. You were always able to look past it. If there wasn't someone throwing a prank on set, you would step in with some monumental monkey-wrench just to keep everyone laughing. You were strong, Piper. And you're still strong. This is just a setback that you're going to overcome."

He kissed her forehead again. 

"And we're going to get through it together. Got it?"

Piper nodded. "Okay." 

"Good."

Piper, for the first time all week, cuddled up next to Rich and relaxed as he held her. She picked up the grilled cheese again and finished it. Sure, she still felt sick, but at least she felt a twinge of hope along with it. 


	7. Part 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warnings:***  
> Talk of Suicide/Suicide Attempt  
> Panic Attacks/Flashbacks  
> Drug Use  
> Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Violence  
> Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> PLEASE do not read if any mention of the above will be triggering.

Piper had tried. She really had. She went to every therapy session, every meeting for the damn program she was in, subjected herself to drug searches and mental health checks from professionals knocking on her apartment door. She tolerated Rich's over-protectiveness and his constant questioning of her level of 'okay.' But she was beginning to feel horrifically smothered. It wouldn't be long till filming ended for the season and she could go back home to Los Angeles where she and Richard had separate homes. Piper still loved him, wholly and exclusively, but the way he treated this situation had her feeling the need for some alone time.

"You want what?" Rich questioned as he was filled in on the L.A. housing situation. 

Piper sat on the arm of the couch at her apartment in Vancouver. She sighed heavily as she repeated herself for the second time. 

"I'm living at my own place as soon as we hit L.A. And you're living in yours."

Rich shook his head, confused at the demand. "But why? What-what's the logic behind this?"

"I'm appreciative of what you gave up by moving up here with me, and at first it was exactly what I needed. But...Rich, I need some time to myself. It's nothing you've done, really, I just...I feel smothered. Like I can't take two steps without you, or-or Misha, asking if I'm okay. I just need some space." 

Piper stared into the amber eyes of her very startled boyfriend. In all truth, this had probably blindsided him. There was no indication that this had been her train of thought over the months they had been sharing the same space. Piper watched him go from pure confusion, to mild frustration, to 'fuck it' in a matter of seconds. He nodded, though it was almost forced agreement. She could tell he didn't want to do this, but he knew Piper would but up a fight if he insisted on ignoring her request. 

"Fine. Fine. You take time to be by yourself, and I'll be at my place when you feel like coming around." Rich phrased it so Piper knew how irritated he was, though it didn't even take sentence structure for her to pick up on it. She could see it clear as day. 

"Richard. You know that's not what I meant." 

"Yeah. Maybe that's true, but help me understand how 'alone time' is beneficial."

"Because even a recovering drug addict needs room to breathe!" Piper stood and began pacing around the living area. "For fuck's sake, Richard, you text me every five minutes when I'm at work, just checking in. Misha will ask how I am umpteenth times a day. Jared and Jensen make sure I'm good to do any scenes that are remotely violent, and it's Supernatural. Things are going to be violent. I just..." Piper closed her eyes and forced herself to take a stabilizing breath, an attempt to get a handle of the frustration she felt bubbling over into anger. "I need space. I get that you guys care, and I appreciate it. I really do. But let a girl breathe. Please." 

Rich studied her, trying to piece together if there were any other intentions other than truly just needing some time to be by herself. Her hazel eyes were steady, warm, and completely sincere. He could sense nothing that would lead him to believe she would seek out anyone that would give her what she had craved months prior. 

"Alright," he said. "Alright. Maybe we have been a little..."

"Helicoptering?" 

Rich huffed a laugh and his lips quirked in a small smile. "Yeah. You can have your space. But don't hesitate -"

"To call if I need anything. I know. I have an army looking out for me." 

"Pretty much." 

Richard took her hand, pulling her toward him, and he traced her cheek with his fingers, studying every little feature of her face. He leaned in to place a kiss to her forehead, but she redirected him to her lips, giving him a gentle kiss. 

"I love you, Rich. And I'm so thankful that you just want to protect me."

He kissed her once more and grinned down at her. "I love you too." 

Piper wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close, smiling into his shoulder, and she breathed in his scent. This man could ease all her worries with just a touch. She knew she was taking a risk by forcing a temporary housing split, but she still felt it was the right thing to do. She knew it was easy to stay clean while Rich lived with her, but what would happen when she was suddenly by herself? 

* * *

Piper stepped into her Los Angeles home and dropped her bags, breathing in the familiar scent of her house. The first thing she did was walk to the kitchen to grab the bottle of wine she knew was still there. As she poured, she felt her phone vibrate from her back pocket. Piper fished it out and grinned, shaking her head at the message. 

_Miss you already. Call later?_

Piper quickly typed out a response.

 _You goof. Yes. I'll call you later tonight. Just now settling in. Love you, baby._

It didn't take long for him to reply. 

_I love you too. Try not to go too insane without me. ;)_

With wine glass in hand, Piper walked onto the back terrace and looked over the valley beneath. She really had a great view, despite the smog. She breathed in the L.A. air and sipped from the red wine, so glad to not feel the hovering presence of her friends. Again, she knew they cared, but there's a difference between checking in and obsessing over one's mental state. 

Piper remained on the back terrace till the sun had fully set and the nightlights of Los Angeles shown brightly from below. She slipped back inside, locked her doors, and set the security system. She showered and changed for bed, then flopped back on the mattress she had missed so much and grabbed her phone. Piper smiled as she stared at the photo she had chosen as Rich's contact picture, clicked the number, and called him. 

He picked up on the second ring. " _Hey there, good-lookin'._ "

"Yes. Let's keep that as our regular greeting."

Rich chuckled. " _How is it being back home_?"

Piper sighed, a feeling of contentment settling in her chest. "Oh, it's amazing. Watched the sunset over the valley with a glass of wine. It was absolutely wonderful."

" _So I have a question_."

"Shoot."

" _Convention schedule. Will you be on it at all?_ "

Piper stared at the ceiling, tension gripping her shoulders. "Uh. I don't know. I haven't really thought about it." 

" _What's your first instinct toward it?_ " 

"Well," Piper paused to gather her thoughts. "My first thought is 'no.' Not after this year. I feel like I need more time. I mean, I hate to let the fans down, but...that's just where I am right now. I know it's only like...two cons a month for the most part, but there's usually one every weekend in May and June, and I just don't know if I can do that right now." 

Rich didn't answer for a long time. 

"Rich?" 

" _I'm still here. Uh._ " 

There was audible disappointment. 

" _I understand. I was just hoping to-to see you more often than that would allow._ "

"I know, baby. I'm sorry, but..."

" _Piper, I get it. You don't have to explain it further. If that's where you're at, then that's fine. No one is going to push you to do something you're not ready for yet._ "

"Thank you." 

They changed the subject completely and talked for a few hours until Piper had trouble keeping her eyes open. She hung up with the promise to call him in a few days. Rich was keeping true to his promise to give her as much space as she wanted and didn't press for her to talk to him every day. 

However, as Richard placed his phone on the nightstand next to his bed, he couldn't help the pressure in his chest - the feeling something might go wrong. The fact she was even refusing to go to _any_ conventions truly concerned him. Piper loved conventions - loved the fans, hanging out with everyone, karaoke night, SNS. She loved all of it. So the fact she didn't remotely want to make any stops, even the one in L.A., had Richard worried. He understood that she wanted more time to sort things out, and he would support that, but Richard wished she would go to at least one convention, just to ease back into the swing of things. He tried pushing all his concerns out of his mind as his phone buzzed with a final text from Piper before she fell asleep. 

_I love you, Rich._

He grinned as he replied. 

_I love you too, Sniper. Have a good night._

* * *

The first convention weekend came and went, and Richard wanted to see Piper. He had called her to ask if it was okay for him to pop in, and she had happily agreed. He didn't even have a chance to knock on the door before it was thrown open and her arms were around his neck, hugging him tightly. She pressed her lips to his in a giddy kiss.

"Can we make this a regular thing?" Rich asked as they walked into the house with her arms still wrapped around him. 

"Hmm. Maybe. I don't know if I can muster that much excitement every time I see you." She giggled and quickly kissed him again before removing herself from her boyfriend and walking to the kitchen, Richard close behind. "How was your flight?" she asked. 

"Awful. I have never been on a flight with more turbulence. I needed some damn Vicodin or some tequila." 

"You seem to have made it alright, though. Still in one piece." Piper stirred at the sauce on the stove top as Rich leaned back against the kitchen island. 

"Say that to my nerves." He caught the scent of whatever Piper was cooking, and it smelled amazing. "What are you making?"

"Oh, it's nothing special. Just some pasta with a little marinara sauce."

"Enough for two?" he asked as his stomach punctuated the question. 

Piper chuckled and nodded. "Yes. I wouldn't just torture you with watching me eat while you're hungry. It's nothing too special. Sauce came from a jar. I was feeling very lazy." 

"Doesn't matter. It still smells good." 

"Well, I hope it tastes good." 

Richard slipped an arm around Piper's waist and gently tilted her chin up so he could capture her lips with his. "I'm sure it will," he murmured. 

Piper smiled up at him. "What was that for? I'm not complaining, at all, but...Damn." 

Rich shrugged and stepped away, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I just missed you. That's all." 

"Oh, so no ulterior motive there?" 

Richard shook his head, a stupid smirk spread across his lips. "Nope. None."

"None?"

"None." 

"Right..." Piper stirred the sauce again and checked to see if the pasta was done. She took a noodle out of the boiling water and blew on it, holding it up to Rich. "Here. See if that's done." 

Rich took a bite and nodded. "Yep. Seems like it. Maybe we should get Rob in here for a lesson. He can't seem to remember how to tell if pasta is done." 

Piper laughed as she dumped the pasta water into the sink. "It's really not that hard." 

Richard helped plate two servings of the simple meal and they sat at the table with a bottle of wine. Rich filled Piper in on what she had missed out on during the convention weekend and they took the time to just be together. Piper couldn't help but smile. This was the most normal she'd felt in a while, and she was thankful for her friends and for Rich honoring her request for some time alone before jumping into anything outside of filming. 

Richard checked the time. Hours had passed in what seemed like minutes. 

"Maybe I should get going. It's kinda late." 

As Rich stood from the table, Piper grabbed his hand, a playful look in her eye. "You don't have to go." 

He smirked down at her and brushed her lower lip with a thumb. "Oh? What are you suggesting?"

"Why don't you follow me and find out?"

"Why, Miss Anson, are you implying that I, a respectable man, would let you take me to bed?" 

"That's what I'm betting on." 

Piper reached up and tangled a hand in Rich's golden locks, bringing his head down to meet her in a deep kiss. He gripped her hips tightly and eagerly returned her enthusiasm. 

"Well. In that case, where's the bedroom?"

Piper rolled her eyes at the small role-play and led him upstairs, a trail of clothes falling behind with each step they took. 


	8. Part 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warnings:***  
> Talk of Suicide/Suicide Attempt  
> Panic Attacks/Flashbacks  
> Drug Use  
> Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Violence  
> Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> PLEASE do not read if any mention of the above will be triggering.

**May**

* * *

Rich was overseas for the European leg of the convention tour. Piper didn't mind - she had expected the absence and she called almost every night just to hear his voice. Sometimes Rich would hand the phone over to someone who demanded to talk to her, like Misha or Rob. They told her they missed her and wished she were there, but she said she was supportive from afar. 

When it came to the 'how are you doing' question, Piper answered honestly for the most part. She tried not to lie, but there was a shallow ache creeping up despite still keeping up with her therapy sessions and meetings. She would say she was doing alright and try to move the conversation along or ask to talk to Richard again. Sometimes they'd video chat, which made it feel as if she were there, especially when Rich would prop his phone up during some of the chaos of JIBCon so she could see and hear everything that was happening. It would make her grin uncontrollably and laugh along with the crowd of fans at whatever joke was being said onstage. It helped distract her from the claws that began gripping her again.

Piper wasn't sure why this was happening, and she brought it up to her therapist. It wasn't because she wanted to be with everyone on conventions - she was 100% certain that had been the correct decision. It had to be something else. 

Then, without warning, she had a nightmare for the first time in months. 

The one that haunted her. 

_Piper was back in the house she grew up in. Jane played in the back room of the house while she and Holly fixed dinner, hoping something wouldn't set their father off. However, Piper accidentally dropped the pan onto the floor. It clattered, loudly, spilling dinner all over the worn linoleum of the kitchen. Piper and Holly shared a look of horror while their father stomped in from the living room._

_"What the hell?!" he screamed._

_"I-I'm sorry," Piper mumbled. "I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."_

_He grabbed her by the throat and slammed her into a wall, her head hitting and bouncing off the drywall._

_"You little bitch," he spat in her face. "You worthless little bitch!"_

_"Stop it!" Holly screamed from behind him. She tried pulling at his arm to loosen his grip on Piper's throat, but he shoved her down and she fell to the floor. Holly scrambled up and rushed to the back room. "Janey, go into your bedroom for me, okay? Shut the door and get under the blankets, alright? I'll come get you later."_

_Jane went without a fight._

_Holly came back into the kitchen._

_Piper grabbed at her father's wrist, hoping he would let her go. Her vision was spotting black at the edges, and she knew if he didn't let go soon she would either pass out or die from strangulation._

_"I know just what you deserve. Both of you."_

_Piper's chest filled with terror, knowing exactly what he meant. He switched his grip from her throat to grabbing a fistful of strawberry blond hair on both girls, dragging them to his room, shoving them into the room. He picked up Piper and slammed her down on the bed, forcing her pants down. He undid his belt and whipped her across her bare backside, leaving bright red welts that would blister later. Piper bit back screams through all of it, knowing if she made a sound, the punishment would be much worse._

_After he repeated the treatment to Holly, he acted apologetic and 'made it up to them' by doing the unthinkable to his daughters. He left them feeling degraded and traumatized after molesting and raping them. All while crying silent tears._

_The nightmare shifted from one horrific scene to the next. Piper walked into an abandoned house, a grin across her face at the excitement of seeing her best friend._

_"Ollie!" she called into the empty space. "Yo, Oliver! Where you at, bro? You think you're gonna scare me?"_

_Piper snuck around a corner and screamed, "Boo!" to throw a joke at Ollie for trying to scare her._

_But instead she felt all breath knocked from her lungs._

_Before her was Ollie, cold and lifeless. Dried crimson blood was splattered across the wall and floor. His usually bright blue eyes were grey and hazy. The left side of his head was missing and brain matter was hanging out of his skull. Piper turned and wretched up the contents of her stomach as hot tears stung her eyes. She collapsed to the dusty ground as she stared at her best friend._

_He had abandoned her._

_There, in the dust of his feet, was a scribbled note. The only thing it said was: I'm so sorry, Piper. I hope you forgive me someday._

Piper sat up in a cold sweat, fear and anxiety holding her captive. All she could see was her father looming over her, Oliver's brains blown out. Her breaths came short and ragged, leaving her feeling dizzy and light headed. She was hyperventilating, and she did the first thing she thought of. Piper fumbled for her phone, trying to unlock it. Her hands were shaking, trembling. Finally she was able to get into her phone to her contacts and called Rich. It was around noon where he was, and she needed him. Now. 

Piper felt her chest tightening and closing as she waited for Richard to answer the damn phone. 

" _Piper? Baby?_ " He sounded confused at the sudden call, and she knew she probably interrupted him. 

"Rich..." She tried to steady her breathing, but it wasn't working. "I...I can't..." 

" _Woah. Piper. Honey._ " He was instantly refocused at the tone of her voice, at the quickness of her gasps for air. " _Baby, what is it? What happened?_ " 

But she couldn't breathe. She couldn't tell him. She felt herself slipping further away, dropping from reality as she relived the nightmare and the memories that plagued her. 

"Rich!" she practically yelled, needing him physically there with her. He could always make her calm down. But he wasn't anywhere close to her. 

" _Piper. Breathe for me, baby. I need you to breathe for me. Can you put me on speaker phone? Can you do that?_ " 

But she couldn't respond - couldn't even try. She involuntarily curled up into a ball on the bed and felt hot tears soak her cheeks as the panic attack took over. Her heart was pounding in her chest rapidly as her breaths became more shallow and tight. She felt her entire body shake, trembling with the flashback from the nightmare. Her sobs took over and they were all Rich could hear through the phone. His heart was breaking for her. He wanted to be there, to hold her, and get her to come out of this panic, but he was stuck in Italy.

 _Piper! You fucking worthless bitch!_ her father's voice shouted in her head. _Get your ass to my room! Now! It's time to teach you a fucking lesson!_

Piper felt herself dissociating from the world, as if her immediate consciousness was being pulled back into the recesses of her brain and she was watching herself go through the panic of seeing Ollie, of reliving her father's abuse. 

" _You're okay, baby. It's okay. I'm right here. Breathe for me, baby. Just breathe,_ " Richard said in an attempt to soothe her over the phone.

She was screaming at this point, fully pulled into the flashbacks. Rich squeezed his eyes shut as he listened to the woman he loved relive her traumatizing upbringing.

" _Breathe, Piper. Just breathe for me. It's all okay. You're okay. You're in your house. You are safe._ " 

Piper's sobs were high pitched, and Richard had to sit down. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he listened to his girlfriend go through the panic attack. He almost felt useless as he kept telling her to breathe, to focus on his voice so she would stop reliving whatever she was going through. 

" _Breathe,_ " he said once again, because it was the only thing he could think to say. If he could have been there, he would be rubbing her back, placing her hands on his heartbeat to calm her down. But that was impossible over the phone. 

Neither of them quite knew how long it had been when the tightness in her chest began to ease up and her lungs slowed down. Breaths came more even and less shallow. The sobs quieted and her body uncoiled from the tight ball it had curled into. 

" _Piper?_ " Rich questioned when he no longer heard the desperate and panicked cries. 

She sniffled and mumbled a reply. "I'm here." 

" _I'm going to hang up and face call, okay? Is that okay?_ " 

"Yeah." 

" _Okay. One sec, baby._ " 

Piper heard the phone call end and a second later she was getting a face-time call from Rich. She answered and immediately saw the horribly worried face of her boyfriend on the screen. 

Rich's heart broke even more at seeing the numbness in her expression, the tear streaks down her face, the red-rimmed eyes. " _Hey, Piper,_ " he said gently. " _Baby, what happened?"_

Piper wiped away the few tears that still fell. "I had a nightmare." 

Rich's face fell at the words. " _Don't tell me..._ " 

She nodded affirmation. "The same one." 

" _Damn, baby. I'm so sorry. I would give anything to be there with you right now._ " Rich ran a hand through his disheveled hair. " _Was there a trigger for this?_ " 

Piper shook her head as she stared into Rich's worried amber eyes. Oh, how she wished he could be there to hold her through this. "No. There wasn't." 

" _I'm taking you with me everywhere today. Okay? Facetime all day._ " 

"You don't have to do that." 

" _I know I don't. But you just had a panic attack. I don't really want to leave you alone._ " 

"No, Rich. I mean. It's like three in the morning here." 

Richard sighed. " _Right. Right. Damn. What can I do for you, Piper? Anything?_ " 

Piper wiped away a few more tears. "I-I don't know. It was just so unexpected. That hasn't happened in such a long time. It blindsided me."

" _Can you do something for me?_ " he asked, gently.

"What?"

" _Go to your dresser and open the bottom drawer. I left you something in there._ "

Piper shuffled from the bed and took a moment to balance herself. Her legs felt weak, as if they couldn't support her weight. As soon as she felt like she could walk, she moved to the dresser and opened the drawer Richard had indicated. There, on top of all the clothes she hardly wore, was one of Rich's t-shirts, neatly folded on the stack. She smiled softly to herself and pulled the shirt out, pressed it to her face, and inhaled deeply. Rich's scent flooded over her and every muscle and nerve in her body began to relax. The fog in her head lifted a touch and she felt herself become more grounded. 

She crawled back onto the bed with Richard's shirt still pressed against her nose. "Thank you," she mumbled. "Thank you so much." 

Rich nodded, a momentary grin twitching over his face. " _Of course, baby. I hope it helps._ "

"It does. It really does. Thank you." 

They talked a while longer while Piper continued to come down from the sudden attack on her mind, all the while Richard's shirt securely tucked against her nose. 

" _Tell ya_ _what_ ," Rich said after a while. " _Why don't you try to get some more sleep. When you wake up, call me. Even if I'm busy, I'll leave you on the line, okay?"_

Piper nodded, seeing the small, reassuring smile of her boyfriend. "Okay." 

" _Good. I love you so much, Piper. Talk to you soon, okay?_ " 

"I love you too." 

" _And hey. You are perfectly safe, baby. You are in a warm, safe house with a helluva lot of security. Nothing can hurt you._ " 

Piper gave a small smile at the words. "Thank you," she whispered. "Talk to you in a few hours." 

" _Alright. Love you, baby._ " 

"Love you." 

Piper ended the call and took a deep breath to steady herself even further. She closed her eyes and cleared her mind of the racing thoughts, hoping she could stabilize her mind and body enough to get a few more hours of sleep. Rich's shirt was pressed snugly into Piper's nose, and she inhaled deeply. The scent of the man she loved quieted any further uneasiness, lulling her back to sleep. 


	9. Part 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warnings:***  
> Talk of Suicide/Suicide Attempt  
> Panic Attacks/Flashbacks  
> Drug Use  
> Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Violence  
> Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> PLEASE do not read if any mention of the above will be triggering.

**June**

* * *

Rich sighed as he flopped down on the worn couch in the green room. If he tried, he could catch a 45 minute nap during Misha's panel. The man had finally showed up, but he was late as he tended to be. Misha always saw the schedule, but he was still often late to...most things. Rich took out his phone and quickly texted Piper just to tell her hello and that he missed her. 

Piper was Rich's main stress factor lately, and it wasn't because they were fighting, however it did seem they were talking less and less compared to how it had been a month earlier. That in itself concerned him. If Piper was closing herself off, it wasn't a good sign. 

"Hey, Rich. Could you throw me a water?" Rob asked from across the room. 

"Sure thing." He took one of the small water bottles and chucked at his friend. "Head's up." 

"Thanks." Rob twisted off the cap and took a sip. "Have you heard from Piper today?" 

Rob knew how stressed Richard was over his girlfriend. It showed, too. Rich's usual chaotic energy seemed stunted as of late, and Rob could only guess it was because of one thing. Or rather, one person. 

Rich just sighed. "No. I haven't. I'm tempted to call Holly to have her stop by and check in, _but_ I don't want to upset Piper by doing that. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place." 

"Sorry, buddy. I-I know it can't be easy." 

"It's not. At all. She's called me during...I-don't-know-how-many panic attacks. It all started last month." 

"Last month? Isn't that...ya know..." 

Rich closed his eyes as Rob's words brought forth something he had completely forgotten, even though he didn't know how he could forget a thing like that. 

"Damn it. You're right! How could I not see that?" Rich ran a hand over his beard and shook his head. "Damn it. Why was I blind to that? Of all the things I know about Piper, that is the one thing I never forget. How did I forget that?" 

"A lot has happened. Don't beat yourself up about it." 

Rich's phone vibrated as a text from Piper came through. He didn't hesitate to open it. 

_Hey babe,_ it said. _Thanks for checking on me. It's an okay day. I love you._

Just an okay day. That was a stark contrast from how it had been when they first moved back to L.A. after filming had wrapped up for the season. Rich hoped this wasn't the start of another cycle, although the feeling in his gut told him it was. It had been a battle over the past year for Piper - psychological warfare, which is the worst fight to take on. The enemy is in your own mind, and it's hard to win against that - even with therapy, medication, and a support network. 

Rich tapped out a reply and locked his phone. 

_I love you too. Call you later. And I'll be home Monday morning. :)_

"How is she?" Rob asked. 

Rich just sighed. "I don't know, man. She said she's 'okay' but I'm not buying it. You think I should call Holly?" 

"She's your girlfriend. You know her best. Do what you think is right." 

"Well, what I think is right might make her mad." 

"Will making her mad outweigh the possible consequences of _not_ having someone check on her?" 

Rich considered this. And he came to the quick conclusion that, no, it wouldn't be worth it. 

So he found Holly's contact and called her. 

" _Rich? What's uh...what's up?_ " Holly sounded confused, but since Rich never called her, it was understandable. 

"I have a request." 

" _What's that?_ " 

"Could you go check on Piper for me?" 

A brief silence followed the question. " _You think it's bad again?_ " 

Rich gave Holly the rundown of his observations and what his instinct said. Holly didn't hesitate to agree to check on Piper. It eased his mind some, but Rich was still apprehensive about the current mental state of his girlfriend. He loved her more than anything, and the fact he couldn't be there for her ate at him. He always seemed to be gone when she had panic attacks or nightmares, and he felt like he was letting her down. Piper always said it was okay that he was gone, that she understood and this was his job. Although Rich would drop everything if she asked him to. 

He closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the couch, hoping his gut feeling was wrong, but he somehow knew it wouldn't be. 

* * *

** Los  ** ** Angeles **

Piper was curled up on the sofa in her living room, Netflix on the television when someone knocked on her door. She threw the blanket back and padded over to the entry of her home, looking out the window to see who had come to visit. A small smile spread across her lips as she opened the door for her sister. 

"Holly. Hi. What are you doing here?" Piper asked as she welcomed Holly in and gave her a quick hug. 

Holly shrugged, trying to play it off as something normal, although Holly rarely visited without a day's notice. "Just wanted to see how you're doing."

Piper closed the door and faced her sister. "Richard sent you, didn't he?" 

Holly huffed a single laugh and nodded. "Yeah. He did. Is it that obvious?"

"No, but I figured he was worried." 

Holly sat on the couch and Piper settled into the spot she had previously occupied, hugging her blanket close around her once again. 

"Is there a reason he should be?" Holly queried. 

"I know I've been comparatively quiet. And the times I've called him with..." Piper took a deep breath a swallowed. She hated to even acknowledge they were back. "With panic attacks." 

Holly scrunched her brows. "When did _those_ start back up?" 

"Last month some time." 

Holly closed her eyes and sighed. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

"I didn't want to bother you. Rich has been supportive, though. He's trying. I know he's trying. But..." 

Piper didn't want to tell Holly the full story. She didn't want to say that she felt the dark ache that signaled a spiral. She didn't want to say that the sinister voices were back - the ones that told her to just give up, that none of this was worth it. That succumbing to the black hole was easier than the exhausting fight of holding it all back - of keeping herself from falling over the edge. She didn't want to say that the depression was creeping its way back in, and all she could hear or see was the overwhelming sense of defeat. Piper felt so isolated in her own mind, and she was beginning to regret the decision to keep her and Richard in different houses. Sure, at the time, it was a great thing to do because she truly did feel suffocated by her friends and her boyfriend constantly checking on her. But now? Well, now she just wanted Richard there at all times. She wanted his strength to rely on, because she felt like she was losing her own strength. 

Holly reached over and placed a comforting hand on Piper's knee. "Honey. Do you need some company for a few days?" 

Piper shook her head and tried flashing a smile. "No. That's okay. You've got your husband and the kids. I couldn't ask you to do that." 

"Well, do you want to come stay with us for a little while? At least till Rich gets back? It may do you some good to have people around you." 

Piper knew that self-isolating was not a good idea considering what was running through her mind, but she didn't want to feel like a burden or that she was putting her sister out. "I wouldn't want to impose, Holly. Surely I'd be in the way of you and everything. Plus, I've got my cat. I can't bring him with me." 

Holly squeezed Piper's knee. "It wouldn't be any trouble, Piper. And you know the kids love that cat. Please? Just for a few days. Rich will be back soon, right?"

Piper nodded. "Yeah. Monday." 

"So just for the weekend. It might make you feel better." 

Piper tried shutting down the voices that told her she was an extra load on everyone, that she was an inconvenience. Holly was her sister, someone who was part of the vast support network. Piper wasn't an inconvenience to her. Logically, she knew this. But the voices were saying otherwise. 

"Piper," Holly said, forcing Piper out of the train of thought. "Come on. Let's go pack a bag." Holly was smiling gently as she stood and offered a hand to her younger sister. 

Piper took Holly's hand and they went to pack enough for the weekend. The cat wasn't too happy about going into the carrier, but it settled in once Piper shoved in the cat's favorite blanket. They loaded the few bags into the car, and Holly called her husband to inform him of the circumstances. 

"I hope he's okay with this. I'm sorry if it's put you two out." 

"Piper. It's completely fine. Okay? The kids are excited to see their aunt, and we're more than happy to have you stay. Grant is fine with it. In fact, he's kind of excited to have a set of extra hands to wrangle the kids."

Piper offered a small smile. "Thank you." 

"Of course, Pipes. You're my sister. You can always call me if you need company." 

Holly lived in a completely different part of Los Angeles than Piper did, so it was a long drive, let alone the added time from the L.A. traffic. As they finally pulled into the driveway, Holly's two kids ran outside. 

"Hey. Why don't you help aunt Piper with her bags?" Holly redirected the children's energy to doing something productive and Piper was grateful. Normally she wouldn't mind the attention of her niece and nephew, but she didn't feel like she could keep up during this moment in time. 

Piper followed Holly into the house and to the guest room. It was certainly cozy, and she could already feel herself relaxing from the constant reprimand of her inner demons. 

That night, Richard called like he had promised. They were in the middle of dinner, but Piper excused herself as she saw Richard's picture pop up. She stepped outside as she answered the call.

"Hey," Piper greeted. 

" _Hey yourself. You okay?_ " 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm staying with Holly for a few days till you get home." She ran a hand through her long hair and sat on the steps of the porch. "Look, I've been thinking. Maybe it would be a good idea for me to stay at your place when you get back. The whole doing-it-myself thing hasn't been going so hot lately, as I think we both know." 

" _I'd be more than happy to have you move back in._ " Piper could hear the smile behind the words. " _I'm actually relieved that you brought it up and not me._ "

"Were you going to?" Piper had to laugh at her boyfriend's comment. 

" _Yeah, I was actually. It'll be a while till the next convention weekend, anyway. That gives us some time together. And hey. If you wanted to, you could come to the office with me and Bobb-o. If you wanted to just hang out or if you feel like you need someone._ " 

"That would be nice. Thank you, Rich." 

" _Of course, sweetheart._ " 

Piper breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed for the first time in a while. "So. Tell me. What have I been missing out on?"

* * *

Richard pulled into Holly's driveway to pick up his girlfriend from the weekend she had spent with her sister. He was glad to know she wasn't alone, especially if there was another panic attack to happen. 

"Hey, gorgeous," Rich greeted as Piper walked out the door with her bags and the cat carrier. "How was your stay?"

Piper gave a weak grin. "It was okay." 

"Hop in. We'll be off in a minute." 

Piper nodded and entered Rich's car, almost melting into the passenger seat as if she wanted to disappear. That was the opposite of what he thought would be the case after having people around. Piper was extroverted - she got her energy from being with people. This was completely unusual. 

Richard saw Holly walk outside, so he decided to have her catch him up. 

"Hey, Rich," Holly greeted. "How was your weekend?"

"It was uh...it was good. What's wrong with Pipes?" 

Holly frowned as she glanced at where her sister sat in the car. "It wasn't a good weekend for her."

"Even though she was here?"

"I think the nightmares are getting worse, Rich. More than she's admitting. I kind of went through her stuff when she was packing to stay over, and I didn't find anything drug-related, so you can rest easy with that."

"Well that's good." 

Holly paused before continuing. "Yeah. _That's_ good, but..." She dropped her gaze to the concrete walkway. "Rich, she had three panic attacks this weekend. All following nightmares. And, I know those screams. The subject of those dreams? It's all flashbacks. It scared the shit out of the kids, and it's hard to explain that to them. I mean, Elias understands better since he's older, but...Bex was terrified. I think it hurt Piper to see her niece almost frightened to approach her."

Rich ran a hand through his hair and hung his head. "Damn it. Okay. Thank you for the update. I better get her home. Apparently she wants to move back in to my place after this entire...thing. So we gotta get her stuff. Thanks for at least watching out for her." 

Holly smiled. "I'm her sister. It's what I do." 

"Right. I'll see ya later, Holly." 

She gave him a quick hug. "You too, Rich." 

As Richard drove away from Holly's place, he watched Piper out of the corner of his eye. She was half-way turned toward the window, her arms around her abdomen, hugging herself. Rich rested a reassuring hand on her knee, giving a small squeeze. 

"It's okay, baby. I'm sorry that this is happening."

"S'not your fault." Piper's voice was quiet compared to her naturally loud tone. 

"I know. But I'm still sorry. Does your therapist know why this is happening? Or have any ideas?" 

Piper shrugged. "Called her yesterday. Apparently working through trauma is...traumatizing. It's normal for this to happen."

"Hmm. Well. We'll get you all packed up and get most of your things over to my place, alright? You feel up to that today?"

Piper nodded, still fairly quiet. "Yeah."

"Alright."

Piper gripped his hand tightly. It hurt Rich's heart to know she was suffering like this. Again. After so much progress had been made. After she had kicked the drug habit (for now). After finding a therapist that truly set her on the right path. She had been doing so well - leaps and bounds better than anytime in the past. It was truly heartbreaking to know her mind was treating her like this. The medication apparently wasn't working anymore either. Richard hoped for the best. That's all he could do. He had to have enough hope for the both of them. 

Because Piper's was losing hers. 


	10. Part 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warnings:***  
> Talk of Suicide/Suicide Attempt  
> Panic Attacks/Flashbacks  
> Drug Use  
> Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Violence  
> Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> PLEASE do not read if any mention of the above will be triggering.

**July**

* * *

Richard woke to the piercing, blood curdling screams. 

He shot up from his side of the bed and turned on the lamp. 

Piper was curled into a ball, her hands in fists, tears streaming down her face and onto the pillow beneath her. She thrashed and shook. 

"Piper!" Richard urged, trying to shake her awake. "Piper, baby, wake up. Come on." 

She came out of the nightmare with a loud gasp, sitting up and shouting once more. Her eyes were panicked and she frantically searched for something familiar, her eyes landing on Rich's concerned face. She hastily reached out for him, fumbling to grab a fistful of his shirt. 

"Shhh...Shhh...You're okay. You're okay." 

Richard smoothed through her hair as he rocked her, helping to her to come down off the anxiety. He held back his own tears as he held her. Her body trembled and shook against Rich, and he wrapped the duvet around her to try and provide extra comfort. Apparently weight could help ease anxiety and panic attacks. So he tried. 

"Breathe, Piper. Just breathe for me." 

He kissed the top of her head and continued to rock her, rubbing soothing patterns across her back. 

It took longer than usual for her to fully calm down. When she did, Rich gently lifted her from his lap and stood to retrieve a cool wash cloth to clean the tear streaks from her now red and puffy face. As he sat down beside her again, she began to take deep breaths to calm her still shaky nerves. 

"Damn..." Rich whispered, running his hand over her hair once more. "I thought they were getting better."

"They were," she mumbled, her voice ragged from the screams and crying. 

"Do you want to talk about it or leave it alone?" 

She didn't answer for a long time, weighing both options. 

"Leave it." 

Richard didn't press and hoped she would vent when she needed to. "Okay." 

He lied down with her, bringing her close against his body to hold her. She pressed herself as close to him as she possibly could, inhaling his stabilizing scent. With each breath, he felt her relax further and further till he thought she had fallen back asleep. He gently reached up and turned off the bedside lamp, and held her tightly throughout the rest of the night. 

The nightmares had been spread further apart, and sometimes she had weeks without one. Trauma processing was never easy, according to Piper's therapist, but they had broken through something at the end of last month, and the nightmares and panic attacks had become much more scattered. However _this_ nightmare was the second, two nights in a row. And it was highly unwelcome. Especially considering the timing. 

* * *

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Rich asked as he shoved his bags into the car. "You don't want to stay with Holly or anything?"

Piper tried giving a reassuring smile, but it was weak. "I'm sure. I'll be fine." 

"It's just...after last night..."

"I know." Piper wrapped her arms around his waist and stared up into his loving amber eyes. "I'll be okay. As always, I'll call you if I need you." 

Richard sighed and pressed his lips to Piper's forehead. "Alright. But if you need _anything,_ you better call me or Holly. Okay?"

"Okay. I will." 

"Promise me."

"I promise." Piper leaned up and pressed a kiss to Richard's lips in hopes he would be reassured enough to get in the car so he could be driven to the airport. "Now go. You'll miss your flight." 

"Wouldn't that be a shame," he joked. He still didn't like flying. 

"Yes, it would. Think of the fans, Richard." 

"Right now, all I'm thinking about is you. You sure I can't talk you into at least coming with me? Everyone would love to see you. Misha hasn't seen you since the end of filming. Your friend misses you." 

"I talk to him all the time," Piper retorted, a small smile on her lips. "Almost more than I talk to you." 

"I know," Richard complained, a joking tone in his voice. "Believe me, I know." But he relented. "I'll see you on Monday."

He leaned in for another kiss, which she granted. 

"Now go." Piper shoved him toward the car. "Call me when you land."

"I will. I love you, baby." 

Piper pressed her lips to her fingers and raised them toward Richard as he climbed into the car. "I love you too." 

As the car disappeared down the road, Piper sighed and reentered the house. She locked the door behind her. 

Walked upstairs. 

Entered the mostly-empty guest room.

Opened the closet.

Took out the small, easily-hidden shoe box. 

Set it on the guest bed. 

Opened it.

And stared at the contents. She licked her lips in hesitation. Just one tiny drop and it would send her spiraling again. This was a bad idea. Horrible. 

Piper gripped the lid of the box to set it back in place, but she didn't. Instead, she felt her breathing pick up in pace and the craving hit like a freight train.

Her hands shook as she gently laid out the syringe. The lighter. The spoon. And the small baggy of white powder. 

Her pupils dilated from just seeing it. Her breath was shaky as she lifted the baggy of the substance and opened it, pouring some into the spoon. She took some water from a nearby water bottle and added it. She added the next thing so it would dissolve.

Ignited the lighter.

And held it under the spoon, watching it all cook and melt together. 

She took the syringe. 

Drew up the contents. 

Tied off her arm. 

And plunged the needle. 

As she felt the warmth go up her arm and through her head, she sighed as the high took over. 

It was her first hit since Vancouver. 

And damn. It felt good. 


	11. Part 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warnings:***  
> Talk of Suicide/Suicide Attempt  
> Panic Attacks/Flashbacks  
> Drug Use  
> Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Violence  
> Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> PLEASE do not read if any mention of the above will be triggering.

** SUNDAY AFTERNOON **

** Los Angeles **

* * *

Piper sat on the step of the stairway leading to the second floor because that's where she landed.

The cat rubbed against her legs, seeking affection. She reached down and roughly patted the cat's head, and he scurried away at the harsh contact. Piper leaned against the wall and closed her eyes.

The syringe lied at her feet and a knife set loosely in her hand. It was sharp. She had made sure of that.

It had all come crashing down. The black hole had sucked her back in, and she saw no way of crawling back out this time. The flashbacks were too much. Reliving the agonizing beatings from her father, the rape, the horrible manipulation and abuse - it all become too much. Constantly seeing Ollie on the cold, hard floor with blood everywhere was all she saw any time she closed her eyes. She wanted it to stop. She wanted the deep, agonizing ache in her soul to go away, to leave her alone once and for all. Somewhere between coming home from Vancouver and now, Piper's world had fallen in around her, and she ended up here. With a knife in her hands trying to talk herself out of doing this. But the inner voices were winning.

They were loud and convincing, and every argument she came up with to stay just one more day on earth was effectively shot down by the almost welcoming thoughts of her overwhelming depression and PTSD. Her mind had cracked wide open. She felt raw and exposed. All she wanted was for it to just. Stop. 

"Ollie..." Piper mumbled. "Mama..." She licked her lips with a tongue that felt like an anvil in her mouth. "Can I join you?" 

_Of course you can, Piper. If you join them, nothing will hurt anymore._

_You won't be a burden anymore._

_Richard will be fine._

_Holly still has another sister._

_Jane will be better off with the one who isn't a screw up._

_Just do it. You've wanted to for so long. It'll be much easier this way. You can do it. Just take the knife and cut deep._

"Will it hurt?" 

_Only for a moment. You won't feel anything. It'll be blissful. Like falling asleep._

"But...what about Richard?"

_He'll be fine. You're a burden anyway. He's always watching over you, asking if you're okay, driving you to your fucking appointments. It'll be a weight off his shoulders, really. For what it's worth? He's better off without you._

"Doesn't he...Doesn't he love me?"

_Sure. That's what he says. But it's just out of obligation._

"Misha. What about Misha."

_Ha! Your "friend?" Some friend. He took away all your drugs. He helped send you into withdrawal, and look where you are now. Right back where you started. Worse, even. So. Let's just take the problem away. Let's just end it all._

_You're in pain, right? Well it's easy to make it stop. It's so easy. Just two little slits and it will all go away._

"But. What about everyone who cares about me. Won't this hurt them?"

_You're hurting them just by being alive. Your father should have killed you a long time ago. If it weren't for Holly, you'd be dead. And your pain could have ended a long time ago. Your life? It's worth nothing. You know that, right? It's worth absolutely nothing. You're a failure. You keep falling back down anytime you think you've gotten up. So just stay down. Stay down, and no one else will have to be hurt by you still being here. You won't bring anyone else down with you. You'll just...go away._

Piper lazily grabbed her phone and unlocked it, sliding to her contacts. She wasn't even crying. This was the right thing to do. 

She thumbed through till she landed on Rich's number. 

And called him. 

" _Hey Sniper. How's it going?_ " 

Piper took a deep breath and struggled to form words through the drugs coursing in her veins. "I just wanted to say goodbye." 

* * *

**Chicago**

" _I just wanted to say goodbye._ " 

Richard's eyes went wide at her words, at the way her voice sounded. He stood up from his chair in the green room and brought his phone from his ear, placing her on speaker phone as his fingers immediately rushed to text Holly. _No_ , he thought. _Fucking now. This isn't happening!_

"Piper. Honey. What are you talking about?" he asked and attempted to keep his voice as calm and soothing as possible. Perhaps he could talk her down. 

" _I don't want to be a problem anymore. I thought it would be nice to say goodbye. Ollie didn't. And it was worse._ " 

Rich struggled to type fast. He ended up just using single words instead of sentences: PIPER. DANGER. GO. NOW. 

"Pipes. Honey. Don't. It'll be okay. You just have to believe that it's going to be okay. Please." 

A response came through: GOING. 911 CALLED. 

" _Rich. You've been so nice to me, stuck around even though you probably wanted to leave. I know you're tired of it. I am too. So. This it it._ " 

"Piper. Please." Richard felt the warmth of tears threatening to fall at hearing his girlfriend declare her intention to kill herself. "I love you, baby. Please don't do this. Whatever you're thinking of doing, just stop. Think of your sisters. They need you here. Your niece? Your nephew? They need their aunt." 

Rob and Matt had happened to be in the room when Piper called and they stood, staring panicked at the phone call happening before them. Band members shared in the shock in the room. Kim and Briana rushed from the side of the green room they had been on and joined just staring at the phone in Rich's hand. They all felt completely powerless. 

"Hey, guys. How's it goin'?" Misha walked through the door and Rich held up a hand to shush him. 

"Piper. Listen to me. Everything will be fine. Whatever you're going to do, please don't. Please. For me, baby. Please." 

There was a long pause, and Rich didn't breathe, fearing she had already.....

" _I can't be a burden anymore._ " 

Misha's face lost all color at hearing the words come from his best friend. Her tone was casual, as if this truly weren't a big deal. Then he realized - she was probably high. 

"You're not a burden. To anyone. Piper, you have to believe me." 

" _But I am._ " 

"No, baby, you're not. I love you so fucking much. You could never be a burden." 

No response. 

"Piper." 

Still. Nothing. 

"Piper!" 

* * *

** Los Angeles **

Piper rolled the knife between her fingers, staring at it. Richard's voice still came through the phone, but she was mostly ignoring it. 

"Richard." 

" _I'm right here, baby. I'm right here. I'll always be right here, okay?_ " 

"Richard. You know I do love you. Right?" 

" _I do, sweetheart. And I love you too. With everything I have. I love you."_

"Well. I'm doing this for you. Because I love you. And I don't want to be the problem anymore. I don't want to be the reason you lose sleep or-or feel what I'm feeling. No one should go through that." 

" _Piper._ " His tone held a warning, an urgency he hoped would steer his girl away from doing this. " _Piper, if you do this, you'll be causing a helluva lot more pain and suffering. Remember what I said to you in the hospital? Don't take away the person we love - that adds so much joy to our lives. Please don't take that away. Baby, please._ " He was full on crying, tears dripping off his face. He didn't even try to wipe them away. " _Please. Stick around for just another day, baby. Let us help you_."

Piper could still hear the thoughts tumbling around in her head, barraging her with insult after insult, reason after reason as to why she should just get this over with and end everything right there. It would be easier for everyone. Rich would no longer have to worry about her. His stress levels would drop at knowing he didn't have a girlfriend with so many issues and trauma and PTSD. He could move on and find someone who was a little more stable. Because she wasn't and probably never would be. All her efforts had failed massively. 

Here she was, knife in hand, just high enough to be calm about this entire situation. 

Who wanted to mess with that? 

She was crazy. 

" _Piper, listen to me._ " Misha's voice came over the phone, and the change brought Piper out of her head enough to listen. " _We want to help you. Whatever this is, whatever you're telling yourself right now, you have to fight it. For us, but more importantly for yourself. Don't listen to whatever darkness is talking to you. Find the light. Please._ " 

Piper just stared at the screen of her phone. She had nothing to say to that. How could she find the light when all she felt was pure darkness? A veil of shadows had fogged her head, and her heart had followed willingly. "Misha. I can't do this anymore. I just can't. This is the last resort." 

" _No it's not, Snipes_." It was Richard again. Piper felt a pang of guilt at hearing his desperation and the obvious sound of distress. " _You have to fight, Piper. Your life is worth fighting for. Hell, I'll fight for you if you don't have the strength. Just..._ " Rich paused, and Piper could hear his breathing. He was trying to get himself under control. " _Just let me come back to you. Okay? I'll drop everything and come back right now. Please. Piper. Don't leave me._ "

But the voice. It said something else. _Get it over with, Piper. Just. Do it. Take the knife. And slit your fucking wrists._

Piper took a deep breath and said her final words to Richard. 

"I hope you don't remember me as some psycho bitch. I love you. Take care of Mish for me. Goodbye Richard." 

As she heard him scrambling to keep her on the line, she ended the call, shoved the phone away from her, and sunk in the blade to the flesh and veins on one side...

Then the other...

It hurt at first, but...

Soon...

She felt nothing at all. 

* * *

** Chicago **

"Piper! Piper, baby, talk to me! Don't-" 

The phone line clicked. 

The call had ended. 

"Fuck!" Richard screamed, fumbling with the phone to call Holly. "Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck. Damn it! Come on!" 

Misha paced the room at hearing the last words. Rob and Matt stood with wide eyes, unable to move from shock. Kim and Briana had sat down, their own legs failing them. Shock ripped through the room like a spray of bullets from a machine gun. There were no survivors. 

"Holly!" Richard yelled, the call still set to speakerphone. "Holly, I couldn't...I don't...Damn it! Sonofabitch!" 

" _I'm speeding as fast as I can to get there, Rich._ " Holly's voice was shaky at best. " _The police and EMT's are on their way to your house. They should be getting there soon._ " 

"I couldn't talk her down! I tried! I fucking tried!" Rich paced around the room, his fingers grasping a chunk of his hair. "Someone get me a damn flight out of here!" he yelled at no one in particular. "I need to get out of here!" 

Rob sat down at whoever's laptop was in the room and immediately began searching for the first flight back to Los Angeles. His own heart was pounding. He couldn't believe he had just heard Piper leave her note. He wouldn't even try to console Richard. There was no consoling anyone. 

"I can't hang up. I can't," Richard said.

" _Don't. I'd call you back if you did._ " 

"Damn it! Fuck it all!" Rich yelled. 

"Hey. What's going on in here?" Jensen pushed through the door at hearing all the yelling and expletives being thrown around. "You okay, man?" 

"Don't!" Rich commanded, shushing Jensen. Rich was angry, heartbroken, and horribly distressed "Holly, how close are you?"

" _I'm at least seven minutes away. I'm going as fast as I can through all this traffic!"_

Richard still paced. He thought he could hear sirens in the background, but he wasn't completely certain. He felt a wave of nausea hit him at the sudden levels of stress, and the back of his neck tingled from anxiety. He was panicking. He wanted to scream. 

Rob motioned to Rich that he had a flight booked and texted him the information. 

It left in an hour. 

"Rich, you stay here. I'll go get your stuff," Rob said, offering any help he could. 

"Leave it. I'll go without it. Someone else bring it back to L.A."

Rob tapped out a few things on his phone. "There's an Uber on the way."

Richard made sure he had his wallet and the airline ticket downloaded to his phone, and he rushed out without another word. 

He had one mission. 

Get back to her. 

And, damn it all, she needed to be alive when he got there.

Jensen stood dumbstruck in the green room, still confused about what was happening. "What was that?" he asked the stunned room. 

"Piper," Misha mumbled, completely dazed. "Piper might have just committed suicide." The words felt wrong as Misha spoke them. Wrong because he was talking about suicide. Wrong because he never wanted to say them. Wrong because it was about Piper. 

Jensen felt his body go numb and he looked at the door Rich had just sprinted through, running as fast as he could to get to the airport. 

Jared then came in, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Uh. I just saw Rich running for his life. What was that about?" He jabbed his thumb in the direction of the hallway. It was then that he saw and felt the tension in the room. "Whoa. What happened?" 

Jensen raised red-rimmed eyes to Jared. "Piper."

* * *

**Los Angeles**

**One Week Later**

Richard sat completely numb in the uncomfortable chair. A stack of paperwork sat in front of him, and he only stared at it, pen poised in his hand. He needed to start filling out forms, but he just...couldn't. 

He was in shock. He had rushed back to L.A. as quickly as he could, leaving all his luggage back in Chicago in his haste to get to her. 

Tears jumped forward at the thought of her. He hung his head and began to weep, the thought of forms completely abandoned. 

A strong hand appeared on his shoulder and squeezed. Rich lifted his gaze to see Misha standing next to him, providing reassurance. 

"I'm sorry, Rich." Misha sighed. "We're all..." He couldn't even finish his sentence.

"I never thought I'd be doing this." 

"I know. None of us did. Do you need help?" 

Rich shook his head and stared at the forms again. "No. She'd want me to do this for her." 

"Right. Well here. You looked like you needed this." 

Misha set down a paper cup filled with steaming brown liquid. 

"Thanks." Rich took the cup and sipped from the coffee inside. "Definitely need that." 

"We're not far if you need anything." 

"I appreciate that." 

Richard took a deep breath as he began filling out the paperwork for Bridges to Recovery Mental Health Care Facility. 

The paramedics barely arrived in time. When they had, Piper had already slit both her wrists and blood poured out of her. Holly had flown into the drive as the EMT's hauled Piper out of the house and rushed her, lights and siren, to the closest hospital where they managed to save her. She had already lost a lot of blood, and she was in and out for a few days. 

Now, as Piper had regained most of her strength, it was time for her to enter into a facility that could really help her. Her job on Supernatural would be waiting for her when she got out. Even though the writers had to tweak things in the script, they kept her character alive for when she came back to the show. It didn't matter when that would be. She needed help. Extensive treatment. And a facility was the best option out there. It was what Rich should have pushed for in the first place, but Piper was hellbent on doing the work from home. He was now filled with regret and not forcing it to happen. He was more scared of Piper being angry with him than letting her heal in a suitable environment. He partially blamed himself for this. If he had just seen it all before it came crashing down, the entire ordeal could have been prevented. If he had just forced her ass into a facility in the first place, none of this would have happened. 

"Rich, she's asking to see you," Holly said as she came around the corner where he sat trying to get all the paperwork filled out. 

Rich looked up from the forms and was pulled out of his thoughts. "Okay. Be there in a minute." 

Richard set the pen down and gathered his resolve before he stood and walked into her room. 

She lied on her side, her back turned to the door. The room was darker than usual at her request, but the window was cracked open to allow fresh air inside the cold room. As Richard approached the bed, he could see the blankness of her expression, the dark circles beneath her eyes. Piper Anson, a woman who everyone knew to have the energy of a chaotic seven-year-old, was drained and numb. She had faded away right before their eyes.

"Hey," Piper murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "Could you shut the door?" 

"I'm not allowed to. You know that," he replied, softly. 

Piper sighed. "Right. Uh..." Piper licked her chapped lips. She watched as Richard took a chair from the corner of the room and moved it beside her bed, taking a seat and resting a hand on her arm, careful not to touch her wrists. "I'm uh..." Her eyes began to well up with tears and she closed her eyes to avoid looking at the man in front of her. "I'm..."

Richard shifted to sit on the edge of the seat and stroked her soft skin, hoping to provide some sort of stabilization. Piper's true brokenness shown through after what had happened. The pure agony she felt. The utter darkness that ate away at her. The complete lack of hope in her heavy hazel eyes. And the exhaustion from fighting it all. 

She took a deep breath. "I understand if you...If you don't want to-to..." 

"Stick around?" Richard gingerly pressed his lips to her hand. "I told you this last year, and I'm telling you again now. I'm not going anywhere. You've tried giving me an out before, and I didn't take it. Baby, I don't _want_ to take it. Because I want you. Piper, I need you. You. Okay? So, I promise you. I am, 100%, not leaving. You're stuck with me." 

"I don't know what I did to even deserve that." Piper wasn't smiling. She truly didn't feel like she deserved the love that Richard gave her. 

"You didn't earn it. I'm giving it to you freely because I want to." Rich stood and pressed a kiss to her forehead, his thumb wiping away tears that began to fall. "I'm going to get all that paperwork. We'll fill it out together."

Piper nodded and Rich disappeared around the corner. 

Misha walked in as soon as Rich left. She hadn't seen him, but she knew he was lurking around the hospital. 

He stood in the doorway, just staring at her, sorrow in his usually happy cobalt eyes. "Piper," he whispered. "I'm sorry." 

She shifted just enough so she could look behind her at the the man who didn't enter her room. "Come here," she said quietly.

Misha cautiously stepped forward and around to the side of the bed her body faced. He rested a hand on her strawberry blond hair, smoothing it down. It hurt his heart to see her like this.

"Misha, don't apologize. I'm the one who did all this to you guys." 

"Pipes, we should have...I don't know...I just feel responsible for letting it go unchecked like this." 

Piper shook her head. "You can't blame yourself." She was strangely logical for her current mental state, and even she shocked herself by the words that came out of her mouth. "Misha...What makes you think you escalated it?"

"I feel like I should have...I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just feel guilty for not knowing it had gotten so bad." 

"Don't. Unless you planted everything in my head, don't take the blame. Richard's doing that enough for the both of you." 

Misha frowned and tilted his head slightly to the side. "Why is he doing that?"

"Probably because we live together and he couldn't see it either. It's called a mask, Mish. And I'm really good at wearing one. Too good." 

Misha sighed, still stroking her soft hair. "We love you, Piper."

"I know." 

Richard came back in with the papers to be filled out. He pulled up a chair and he and Piper filled in the information together while Misha sat next to Rich. 

Everyone was still thoroughly shocked at the events that had unfolded. 

But as shocked as everyone felt, silent thankfulness rolled as Piper admitted herself to a facility so she could finally receive the help she desperately and wholly deserved.


	12. Part 12

**Convention Center**

* * *

Piper finally made her way into the green room, precious Starbucks in hand as she looked for Rich. It was early, and she knew Richard had a full day planned. He always had a full plate with hosting, performing with the band between panels, photo ops, meet and greet, autographs, and everything else he ended up doing. He needed his coffee. 

As she stepped into the room, Piper was barraged with hugs from all her friends before she could even see if Rich was there. 

"Good morning!" she said through a giggle. "Hello, hello."

Ruth squeezed Piper tightly as she smiled. "It's so good to see you, Piper. How long has it been since you've even done a convention?"

Piper didn't even want to think about the last convention she had done. "Uh. About three years. It's good to be back." And she wholly meant it. "Has anyone seen my husband?" 

"I'm right here!" Richard called as he entered the room. 

Piper spun around and was greeted with a kiss before she handed Rich his coffee. 

"Yes, thank you," he said, smiling. "This is much-needed." He took a quick sip before continuing. "What's your schedule like?"

"Not near as full as yours but still packed. Maybe I'll see you in passing, but for the most part, we're both kept busy today."

"And how are you feeling?" It had become a normal question, and it was something Piper had come to appreciate. 

"Good. Really good, actually." 

"Well, as always, let me know if you need anything." 

She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "I will. I promise." 

Since this was Piper's first convention after the 'incident' three years earlier, she expected a million questions about what had kept her away. A lot of fans already knew, and she wasn't bothered by that. But part of her hoped they would let sleeping dogs lie and not ask her to elaborate on the convention hiatus. 

Misha walked into the green room, and his face instantly lit up in a smile at seeing his friend back at it. And that she was exponentially better than he had ever known.

Piper immediately approached him and wrapped her arms around him as he did the same, squeezing her tightly to him. "Hi, Mish." 

"Pipes. I'm so glad you're back with us." 

"Me too." 

Richard clamped a hand to Misha's arm, a sarcastic smirk painted on his bearded face. "Alright buddy. That's my woman ya got there." 

"You're not... _jealous,_ are you?" Piper asked teasingly, still wrapped in Misha's embrace, pressing herself close to her friend. "The man is my best friend." 

"Yeah, Rich," Misha whined. "You wouldn't interrupt a hug between best friends, would you?"

"I have and I will," Richard quipped through a smile. 

Piper giggled as she removed herself from the much taller man and switched to hugging Richard. "Is that better?" 

"Much." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and she closed her eyes, grinning, completely content. "Alright. I apparently gotta go. See you later?" 

"Definitely." 

Rich leaned down and captured her lips in a quick kiss before falling in step with the rest of the band. 

Piper watched the man walk out of the green room, and felt once again a blossom of thankfulness. She had never been so thankful for anyone in her life, and Rich Speight had certainly been a blessing in her totally messed up life. She would never be able to convey how much she loved him and how much she appreciated him and everything he had done for her. The list was endless.

It wasn't long till it was time for her first panel in three years, and she felt a little nervous about going back on stage, however everyone told her it would be just like riding a bike. But the last time she had ridden a bike, she had crashed it into a brick building, so she hoped this would go much smoother than that. She heard Louden Swain playing her music, Rob singing out the lyrics, and Richard screaming out who they were introducing. 

"Alright. Ladies and gentleman! The woman herself! She who gives no damns about whose underwear is on the bathroom floor - I have to pick it up anyway. The only person who has one-upped Jared Padalecki on pranking Misha Collins. She's managed to capture the hearts of not one, but two angels. Give a huge welcome-back to...Piper! Anson! Speight!" Rich yelled, and Piper bounded up the short landing to the stage.

She waved to the cheering fans and gave a small bow as the band continued to rock it out, her hands pressed to her heart at the reception of everyone in front of her. Rich wrapped an arm around her waist and gave the side of her head a quick peck before ducking off the stage with the rest of the band. 

"Hello, Toronto!" Piper shouted, and the room erupted once more. "It is so friggin' good to be here with you all. It's been a while. I know a lot of you like to know cat updates, and the little menace sends his love. I have a picture from last week. Did you all have time to load that?"

Piper paused as she stared at the screens, waiting for the picture of her cat to pop up. When it did, a loud 'awww' swept through the audience at the sight of the super fluffy grey cat contentedly snuggled in Rich's lap. 

"He's uh...he's gotten fat. And I mean the cat, not Rich. But I blame Richard for the sudden tubbiness of the feline. He claims he doesn't overfeed, but I have my suspicions that something's being sneaked under the table when I'm not looking." 

The photo disappeared and she went back to looking at all the fans in front of her. "How is everyone doing today?" There was another round of applause accompanied by whoops and hollers. "Well that's awesome! I hope you don't mind that I have my coffee up here with me. It is necessary for survival. Well. How about we take some questions, since that's apparently what I'm up here to do. Uh..." Piper turned to her left. "Let's start over here. Hello!" 

Most of the questions were about her character or other work she had done. There were a few questions regarding Rich, which she answered with a giddy smile across her face. It wasn't till one of the very last questions did someone ask about her absence. 

"I was curious - what happened at the last convention you were at? And why did you suddenly stop going to conventions?" 

The tone was innocent enough, but Piper wasn't sure she wanted to answer the question. A ripple of disapproval went through the audience, and Piper knew it was about the nature of the question. She tried to keep her personal life to herself as much as possible, and pretty much the only thing that was public was her relationship with Richard. She paused before attempting to answer the question, gathering her thoughts into a comprehensible structure. 

"No, it's okay. It's a perfectly fine question," Piper began, defending the one who had asked from the rest of the audience. "Well...let's just say that something very...sad happened. And it's because of that reason I had to stop attending conventions for a while. I'm not going to say what that is, although I'm sure some of you know because you all are freakishly good with the Internet. But sometimes life gets in the way, and you have to deal with that before being able to step forward and step past...whatever it is. But, I'm back now. And it's so amazing to be here with you all. I've missed it more than you know." 

After the answer, the band appeared back on stage and Rich hovered very close - it was intended to annoy her. 

"I'm taking this as my cue to leave," Piper said. She turned toward Rich, fake offense in her expression. "I'm sorry, sir, but could you back off please?" she joked. "You are in my personal bubble." 

"I like your bubble." Richard stepped even closer. 

"Oh gosh. You see what I have to deal with." Piper stood from the chair and blew a kiss toward the fans in front of her. "Love you all! Thank you so much! You're amazing! Have a great rest of your day!" 

The band played her off stage, and Piper couldn't help the huge grin that spread over her face. 

She was in such a different place from the last convention. She no longer had this pressing weight on her shoulders, and she felt like she could breathe. Yes, Piper still felt the sadness of the loss of her best friend and her mom. Sometimes the flashbacks would come from the abuse of her father, but it was no longer a deep, dark hole she felt she couldn't climb out of. She was finally enjoying life again. In fact, maybe she was truly enjoying life for the first time...ever. 

Later that afternoon, Matt, Rob, and Rich were on stage in the middle of their panel when Piper invaded, climbing onto the stage and wrapping her arms around Richard’s waist from behind him. Rich initially flinched at being hugged, but he eagerly turned around and embraced her as he realized whose arms were around him. 

“Oh hey. What are you doing here, Sniper?” he joked, a lopsided smile on his lips at the use of her nickname.

"Thought I'd come up here to harass you. You've crashed my panels more than once. It's time to return the favor."

Rob chuckled. "Pipes, I think you're the only person who can keep Rich Speight Jr. in check." 

"It's not that hard of a job. You just need to remember that he's a perpetual five-year-old, and you're good to go. That's how I deal with the rest of you."

"Ouch!" Matt hissed. "Are you saying we're all five-year-olds?"

"I'm saying _most_ of you are five-year-olds. Matt, you're more like a nine-year-old who forgot they can play with older kids." Piper smiled at the banter. 

"Damn. Piper brought the insults today," Rob said, a laugh in his words. 

"So is there something you needed or did you just want to invade?" Rich questioned, still in the mindset that she would get him whenever something was wrong. 

"Oh no, I just came to invade. Carry on. Act like I'm not here." 

Piper then sat down cross-legged on the stage, fists beneath her chin like a little kid waiting for story-time. They took a few questions as she sat there, sometimes interjecting. 

"And that is how you successfully piss off Rob Benedict," Rich said as he finished answering a question. Rob hung his head in laughter as Rich moved on. "You," he said, pointing to the next fan to ask a question. 

"I love all of you, but my question is actually for Piper since she's here." 

"Oh. That's my cue." Piper stood up and made a big deal about shoving Rich out of the way. "How can I help you?"

"How do you overcome depression?" 

Piper felt the air punched from her lungs. She wasn't expecting such a serious, loaded question asked point blank like that. She felt Rich's hand on the small of her back and he leaned in to whisper a question in her ear. 

"You wanna take this?" he asked. 

She just nodded in response and walked in the direction of the young lady who asked it.

"Well," Piper began. "That is...not an easy question to ask, and I commend you for having the courage to ask that in front of all these people. And it's certainly not an easy question to answer. But, I think it differs from person to person. There is no 'easy fix', although it would be nice to have one. For-for me, it was about getting the help I needed and finding that support system. And you need a support system, because its an even worse battle to do this thing alone. Don't think you can. It will only make things worse. You need a support group. And...this room is filled with people that will be your support group if you don't already have one." 

Piper felt a hand appear on her shoulder, and she looked back to see Misha standing behind her. He wrapped his strong arms around her shoulders and plopped his chin on top of her head. She grinned to herself before continuing.

"And, if you can, find a good therapist. I'm a firm believer that we all need therapy at some point in our lives, and if you're dealing with depression, then finding that professional that can help you process is a complete life changer. And it may take ten tries to find that one that clicks, but when you do, you can really begin seeing the difference. It's not over night. It takes time and baby steps. Someone asked in my panel earlier today why I hadn't been at conventions for a few years, and part of it was I was getting the help I desperately needed." 

Piper took a deep breath as she realized she had just admitted to an entire room full of people why she hadn't been present. Of course, it wasn't the full story, but it was a good chunk of it. She was suddenly filled with anxiety. 

"Uh...Wow that just came out of my mouth. Okay then." 

Misha leaned down. "You okay?" he whispered. 

"Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm good," she whispered back. 

"You sure?" He tightened his embrace around her shoulders. 

"Yep. I'm fine." Piper took a moment to stabilize before moving on and absently traced the prominent scar on one of her wrists. "Just...don't question if it's worth the fight. Because it is. To steal a line from Jared; always keep fighting. Because we need you. We love you. And we see you. The world is a much better place with you here. Never forget that." 

Piper set her microphone aside and stepped off the stage to hug the fan who was brave enough to ask that question. She had seen the young lady crying as Piper answered, and it didn't seem right to send her off without offering some sort of consolation. 

"What's your name?" Piper asked. As the younger fan responded, Piper took out her phone and wrote it down. "Okay. You feel free to DM me on any of my social media accounts whenever you need someone to talk to, alright? I don't want you to feel like you're alone. We got this, girl, okay? We got this." 

Piper wrapped the girl in a tight hug once more before jumping back on stage, wiping away tears. Rich placed a quick kiss on her temple as she grabbed her mic and remained on stage of the panel she already crashed. Misha also decided not to go anywhere. 

"This has been your designated self-reflection. We now return to your regularly scheduled programming," Piper said as she tried to get a handle on the tears that were falling.

"Misha, why are you staying?" Rich asked. "You can't show up on time to your own panels. Why do you have to crash ours? We already have a panel-crasher. There doesn't need to be an additional." 

Misha chuckled. "It uh...It seemed like a good idea."

"Ugh. I'm gonna need a drink if freaking Misha is going to be up here," Rich grumbled. 

"You can have water," Piper replied, a playful smile on her lips.

"You're no fun." 

"That's why I'm called the ball-and-chain." Piper winked at Richard, and Matt took the opportunity to interject something Rob usually threw in. 

"That's right. You're a Speight now, aren't you." 

Rich kissed her forehead. “Piper Speight everybody,” he said and the crowd cheered. “Hey! Y’all back off. She’s taken.” And they laughed. “Locked that down last year.” 

“Ah yes, you poor whipped boy,” Rob joked, trying to lighten the mood from the serious conversation, struggling to hold himself together.

“At least once a night,” he quipped back, winking at Rob. Matt rolled his eyes and shook his head, grinning.

Piper scoffed mockingly. "Yeah. And you won't get it tonight just for that." She sat back down on the floor as Richard chuckled. 

“Alright. Next question. You.” 

It had been some of the best years of her life, despite all the times she argued with Rich about going to therapy or staying in the facility that had truly changed her life. And she wasn’t done improving. It had been difficult, but she had the best support system on the planet. With an entire family of people she met at work, she knew she couldn’t fail. Relapse was not an option this time. 

She had too much to live for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I know the theme of this entire story was dark, but it was almost therapeutic to write.  
> The idea came to me in the shower of all places, and the original story only consisted of chapters 3, 4, 5, and 12, but any time I sat down to edit, more ideas kept coming forward, and I completely rewrote most of the original stuff. Before I knew it, the little idea ended up being this 12-chapter mess of a "series". The summary didn't change from the original 4-part story, either, which I realize now, should have been expanded to capture all of this, but I honestly didn't/don't feel like messing with it. :) 
> 
> Did I choose the name 'Piper' because it could easily be converted to the nickname 'Sniper'? Yes. XD 
> 
> I would like to thank the following songs that helped set the mood for key moments:  
> "Amazing" - Louden Swain (for a specific line in the chorus that was the original inspiration/catalyst for this entire thing)  
> "Quien Es" - David Bisbal  
> "Lo Tenga O No" - David Bisbal  
> "No Amanece" - David Bisbal  
> "Vas a Quedarte" - Aitana  
> "Con La Miel En Los Labios" - Aitana  
> "Hallelujah" - cover by The Station Breaks  
> "Help You" - Louden Swain (some of the lyrics from this song are snuck into the writing). 
> 
> And, to anyone out there struggling with ANY sort of mental health battle, I see you. I understand you. And I love you. You are not alone, and we will get through this together. And, ALWAYS keep fighting, my loves. Always.  
> Much love! <3


End file.
